Beside You
by xThisGirlIsOnFirex
Summary: Something bad happens to Santana but it is something that she just can't tell anyone.
1. No One Needs to Know

Beside You

The weirdness started when Brittany had gone round to Santana's house after school. She often went round on a Thursday because both of their parents were working late and they'd hang out in Santana's bedroom doing homework. It had just gone six though and Santana was rummaging through the kitchen cupboard to find something to eat for the both of them.

"Do you like Cornflakes?" Santana asked as she slammed the cereal box down on the kitchen counter. Brittany shrugged her shoulders, "I'm sorry Britt but I can't cook, Mom showed me but I even burnt bacon."

"Its fine," she smiled, "Couldn't we just order a pizza or something?" Santana nodded and reached for the phone. She began to dial but suddenly heard a car door slam. She glanced up and stared at the front door with wide eyes.

"Get out," she told Brittany sternly without looking at her.

"What?" Brittany asked her, confused. She hadn't been here long and Santana's mom wasn't home yet. Brittany was unable to go home because her mom was working, her little sister was at a friend's house and she had no key to get in.

"Get out!" Santana put the phone down and grabbed Brittany's arm, dragging her towards the door and pushing her out into the street, locking it behind her. She slowly slid down the wall and sat on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest protectively and rocking back and forth crying.

"San," Brittany called to her from outside, "San, your neighbours are staring at me so can you please let me back in?" Santana didn't answer her, hoping that she'd just leave if she was quiet enough. "Santana, just tell me what's wrong and we can talk? Is it my fault? Did I do something?" Santana was still silent and continued to rock and soon, she saw Brittany's shadow walk away and leave. She waited for a good five minutes before getting up to go upstairs but the door slammed open and someone grabbed her arm, causing her to fall to the floor.

"Did you tell her?" Mark snarled, getting up close in her face. "No! I...I swear, I...I didn't tell her anything!"

"You better do as I say because you know that I make your mom happy and you know that she isn't going to listen to a word you say!" Santana managed a faint nod, attempting to get away from his tight grip.

"Stop," she gasped, clenching her teeth together, "You're hurting me, stop!"

"Listen to me you little shut," he pulled her into the living room and slammed her down onto the floor before going to close the curtains so no one could see in. "If you dare tell anyone what I did to you and that includes your mom then there will be big trouble, do you understand me?" Santana nodded, looking up at her mom's boyfriend with a look of fear in her eyes.

"M...Mark, please...please don't," she screamed but he pressed his lips to hers, cutting her off mid sentence.

* * *

Brittany made her way through the streets towards Quinn's house. She couldn't believe that Santana had just kicked her out and she had no way of going back into her own house so she had no choice but to visit Quinn. She was a little surprise to see her.

"Brittany, I thought you were at Santana's," Quinn said in shock.

"I was," Brittany whispered and stepped inside as Quinn shut the door behind her, "She...She had something to do though and my mom isn't home yet so I just came here if that's okay."

"Yeah," Quinn nodded, "That's fine. Are you okay?" Brittany nodded, although she knew that she wasn't. She was worried about Santana. "Have you eaten?" Brittany shook her head, "I'll get you something; we have plenty of food in the kitchen."

"Thanks Quinn," Brittany smiled and followed her into the kitchen.

* * *

Santana knew that she didn't need to worry about Brittany anymore; she was out the house and safe for all she knew. She knew that Mark was unable to hurt her if she wasn't here and that brought a smile upon her face. She was curled up on her bed, facing the wall and clutching her old stuffed teddy bear to her chest. She couldn't believe that this had happened.

She'd been raped by her mom's boyfriend.

**Please review, the next chapter will be longer. **


	2. Daddy's Little Girl

"Thanks for letting me stay the night Quinn," Brittany thanked Quinn as they entered McKinley High the next morning. "I really appreciate it, sometimes Mom works so late that I usually have to stay the night at Santana's."

"What about your sister?" Quinn asked.

"She normally stays at a friend's or sometimes our aunt's." Brittany then caught sight of Santana at her locker, "I'll see you later, I'm going to go and talk to San." Quinn nodded and rubbed her shoulder as she walked over to Santana. Santana opened her locker and shot a small glance at Brittany. "Hey, I...I stayed the night at Quinn's last night." She whispered to make conversation. "My mom was working late."

"Alright," Santana nodded with a smile. "At least you had somewhere to stay, look I...I'm really sorry about kicking you out last night."

"Are you going to explain to me why you did it?" She shook her head, "Didn't think so; we're best friends San, I thought we told each other everything." Santana was silent and slammed her locker door shut before leaning back against it with a sigh. "Do you want to come over to my house tonight?"

"I can't," she whispered and shrugged her shoulders, "I...I need to go and visit my dad tonight." Brittany faintly nodded and wrapped her arms round her, hugging her and rubbing her back. "He's still in hospital but he...he'll get better, he's a doctor isn't he?"

"Do you want me to come with you?" Brittany offered. Santana and her dad used to be really close, like best friends but then her parents divorced and a couple of years after that her dad ended up in hospital with cancer.

"I'll be fine," Santana reassured her, "Honestly, I've visited him plenty of times on my own before."

"Hey girls, Glee Club rehearsals after school," Finn said as he walked past, patting Santana on the shoulder. Santana tensed up and shut her eyes tight, an image of Mark flashing in her mind. She remembered the way he touched her, the way he kissed her, the way he called her babe. It hurt to think about it.

"God, I wish he wouldn't do that," Santana said quietly when Finn was out of sight and she'd opened her eyes.

"Do what?" Brittany asked.

"Touch me like that; he's dating Rachel so...why...why pat me on the shoulder?" Brittany shot her a look of confusion. "You know what Berry's like, she...she gets easily jealous."

"Point taken," Brittany sighed.

"I need to go to the bathroom, talk to you later." Brittany nodded and Santana made her way towards the girl's bathroom, pushing the door open and heading inside. She locked herself in a cubicle and made sure the loose strands of hair were out of her face before dropping her backpack on the floor and kneeling in front of the toilet. Slowly and carefully, she shoved her fingers down her throat. Soon enough, she began coughing and emptied the entire contents of her stomach into the toilet. She decided for it not to be a regular thing but she felt terrible after last night and she just felt that she needed to do it. She then heard the door slam shut and quickly closed the toilet seat, grabbed her bag and sat down on it, holding her knees to her chest. She recognised the voices straight away.

"Do you think Coach Sylvester will let me back on the Cheerio's?" She heard Quinn ask Brittany, "I know I messed it all up with being pregnant but I really miss cheering."

"She might do," Brittany added, "I could have sworn San came in here."

"Maybe she went to the other bathroom," Quinn suggested. "Or left already and headed off to class." Santana shut her eyes, really hoping that they wouldn't see her or realise that she was in there. "Come on, we'll bump into her later." Santana waited until she heard the door shut and was sure that they'd both left. She waited for a few seconds before flushing the toilet and going to wash her hands. She soon left with her backpack swung onto her shoulder.

"Good morning Santana," Rachel greeted, blocking her path. "I would like to remind you about Glee club rehearsals today after school, it is very important that all members attend and I myself have a great idea for a Rachel Berry solo and of course it's a Barbra..."

"Finn already informed me," Santana snapped at her. "And you don't deserve to get all the solos, there are other people in this club who are just as good as you and they work just as hard as you as well. Now just shave the moustache and move out of my way."

"Come on Santana, your meanness towards other people just highlights your own personal insecurities," Rachel pointed out, "If you would like to talk about it then I am very willing to sit down with you and..."

"I don't want to talk about anything," Santana scoffed, "And even if I did, it wouldn't be with you."

"I know that we're not friends Santana," Rachel whispered and took a step towards the Latina, taking her hand gently, "But talking to someone is better than talking to no one so if there is something bugging you then..."

"The only thing that is bugging me right now," Santana cut her off, "Is a certain little hobbit standing in front of me so just shove out of my way and move back to Narnia!" Santana shoved Rachel aside and stormed off, through the crowd.

* * *

She knew that the others would be mad at her but she couldn't go to Glee, her mom was out with Mark until late and she had promised her dad a visit to the hospital. She picked up his favourite type of candy bar as well as a bouquet of flowers before making her way towards the hospital. She had to admit that hospitals scared her, there were thousands of people sitting in the waiting room and nurses and doctors were rushing all over the place. She saw sure that the white, pale walls were just getting closer and closer together so there was no way out.

"How's he doing?" Santana asked Mary, her dad's nurse.

"He's doing okay," Mary answered and led her down the corridors towards her dad's room. "He's missing you," she pushed the door open and coughed, "Emilio, Santana's here to see you." Emilio looked up from his bed and smiled across at his daughter.

"Daddy," Santana whispered and walked over to hug him, "I...I got you these." She handed him the flowers and the candy bar.

"Thank you," he croaked out to her.

"He isn't eating much at the moment," Mary said as she took the flowers from Emilio, "I'll put these in a vase for you. Would you like a drink at all Santana?" Santana shook her head. "Alright, I'll come and check on you both later on."

"How have you been?" Santana asked once Mary had left. Emilio shrugged his shoulders but took her hand in his, "I miss you, Mom's gone out with Mark tonight and everyone else is at Glee Club."

"Why aren't you?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"I didn't want to go," Santana shrugged. "Why won't you eat?" He didn't answer so Santana unwrapped the candy bar and held it up to his mouth. "Take a bite," she smiled, "You need to eat something, get your strength up."

"You have it," he told her, "you're a good kid Santana, you didn't need to come and visit me."

"I wanted to," Santana smiled, "You'll get better, you're a Lopez aren't you?" he chuckled and reached across to ruffle her hair, "I love you daddy, I always will."

"I love you too," he smiled back; "You're my special little princess." Santana nodded and snuggled up in the hospital bed beside her father. It didn't feel weird or uncomfortable because she knew that she was safe, away from Mark and in her father's arms.

**Wow, nine reviews on the first chapter! Thank you so much guys, here is the second chapter to celebrate. I'll make sure to post Chapter 3 soon. **


	3. Author's Note: Please Read!

I am sorry to put an author's note halfway through this story but I have had a couple of reviews saying that they find the story offensive and that being raped doesn't make you a lesbian. In that case, I am keeping the story but changing the summary of it. I hope that makes people happier. I will keep this note up but the next chapter will be posted ASAP.

Sorry again.


	4. Just Like a Pill

Santana was sat at her desk in her bedroom doing some homework. She had to do something to keep her reputation up. She stopped writing and tapped her pen on her desk whilst deep in thought. Her cell phone vibrated and when she picked it up, she saw at least five messages from Brittany. She put down her pen and opened one of them up.

_Were were u in Gle? Racheal eferr so mad at u. Brittney x_

Santana had to laugh at the amount of spelling mistakes in Brittany's text, including the one in her own name. She wasn't in the mood to reply back, even though she knew it would get Brittany worried. She switched her cell off and slammed it down on the desk next to her. There was soon a loud hammering on her bedroom door and Mark burst in.

"Where were you earlier on then?" he snarled. Santana looked nervous and bit at her lip until it bled, "Your mom's out with a few of her friends, she's asked me to keep a close eye on you. The food in the kitchen hasn't been touched so where were you earlier?"

"Visiting my dad," Santana whispered. Mark hated it when Santana mentioned her dad, like at all. His face went bright red with anger and he slapped her hard across the face. She let out a scream of pain and clutched at her sore cheek.

"What's this?" he asked and picked up the piece of paper.

"My homework," Santana cried, "Please don't, I spent ages on that!" He just chuckled and shook his head as he ripped it into shreds, allowing the small, white pieces of paper to float down to the floor right in front of her. "I spent ages on that! It's due in tomorrow! I can't have done another copy of it by tomorrow!"

"I don't care!" he yelled at her and shoved her off her chair so she fell to the floor in tears. "You better not have told your dad about last night, did you?" Santana shook her head, "Promise?"

"I promise!" Santana squealed, "I didn't say anything to him!"

"What about those so called friends of yours at school?" he asked, "Did you say anything to them?" she shook her head, "Good, because if you do then you know what is going to happen right?" she looked up at him and nodded. "Good," he spat on her, grabbed her cell phone and stormed out of the room. "Stupid dog!" she heard him yell and quickly ran to Shadow's rescue. The golden retriever raced into the room at full speed. She slammed it shut and collapsed against it in tears. Her old dog came and sat next to her, nudging at her arm and licking her face to show his love.

"Oh Shadow," she sniffed, giving him a comforting stroke, "What am I going to do?" Shadow just whimpered and gave her face another warm lick. "At least I have you, eh? Tell you what boy; we're going to run away tomorrow. I'm not going to go to school and I'm taking you with me, what do you say?" he barked, "Good boy."

"Stop talking to that dumb dog!" Mark shouted up the stairs.

"I don't care," Santana whispered and hugged the lovable animal. "You're all I have to talk to in this house. Dads in hospital, Mark hates me and Mom never even has the time for me anymore. You're all I have boy." She reached across for her torn homework and looked at the small pieces. "I can't read this and there's no way I can redo it by tomorrow." She sighed and leant back against the door as Shadow curled up next to her and rested his head across her leg. "I hate him Shadow, I...I never did anything to him and he does this. I hate him." Shadow whimpered and looked at Santana out the corner of his eye, as if to say "_so do I, no one gets near my owner_."

Santana considered texting Brittany back or even Quinn but then remembered that Mark had taken her cell phone from her. She lay down beside the door and rested her head against Shadow's fur coat, stroking at him for comfort. As she did so, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and saw this fat, ugly girl staring back at her.

"I'm just not pretty Shadow," she whispered, "I'm turning into Rachel Berry. I'm ugly and no one likes me." She sniffed as tears formed in her eyes but Shadow licked them away again.

In the far corner sat Santana's bookshelf where she held all of her favourite books. One particular book caught her eye. A Child Called It. She'd read this loads of times before but now somehow, the magic of the story had just disappeared.

"I'm Dave," she whispered as she picked the book off of the shelf and glanced across at Shadow, "I never thought that I'd be actually living Dave's life." A thought then struck her. "Come on Shadow, we're going out." She grabbed Shadow's lead from the end of her bed and clipped it onto his collar before grabbing her bag as well. She slowly opened her bedroom door and headed downstairs with Shadow. The kitchen door was shut so before Mark could spot her, she headed out of the front door with her dog.

She walked him all the way along to the row of shops at the end of the park. There was a lamppost outside the pharmacy so she tied Shadow up before walking inside. Shadow just sat down and waited patiently for his owner until Kurt walked along.

"Hey Shadow," Shadow looked up at him, "Where's Santana?" he asked, kneeling down and patting the dog's head. "Where is she eh? Look at you, all tied up." Everyone knew that Shadow was Santana's dog. She'd received him for her eleventh birthday and had been best friend with him ever since. Santana soon came out with a brown paper bag. "San," Kurt stood up. "What were you doing in the pharmacy?"

"Oh um...I had to pick something up," she whispered and untied Shadow who'd begun wagging his tail at her. "Thanks for keeping him company, come on boy."

"What did you get?" Kurt asked her straight out. Santana turned to look at him, refusing to answer.

* * *

"So, why haven't you taken it?" Kurt asked Santana as the two of them sat on a bench in the park, outside the cafe. Shadow was curled up on the grass at their feet and Santana was holding a pot of coffee along with the morning after pill. "Everyone has sex Santana and you were one of the few brave ones to actually buy the pill. You didn't use a condom then?"

"No," she shook her head, leaving out the rape detail.

"Who was it with?"

"Just some guy," she lied. "He doesn't go to McKinley, you don't know him." She opened the pill and held it in the palm of her hand. "And I didn't say I wasn't going to." She took a deep breath and swallowed the pill with the coffee. Once it was down, she sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve. Kurt just held his arms out to her and she rested her head against his chest, crying silently as he comforted her.


	5. True Friend

"I haven't seen San all day," Brittany panicked as she paced up and down the corridors in front of her locker. Quinn was leant back against the wall watching her and feeling dizzy at the speed that she was pacing. "It's almost lunch time and she isn't here, San never misses a day of school."

"She's probably not feeling well," Quinn suggested, "Everyone misses at least one day of school, just don't worry about her." Kurt then walked over, his eyes widening at the sight of Brittany, "She's worried about Santana, have you seen her?"

"I saw her yesterday actually," Kurt confessed, "Just coming out of the pharmacy with Shadow then we went to the park for a bit."

"See Britt," Quinn smiled, "She was coming out of the pharmacy with medicine so she probably is ill."

"Actually, she was buying the morning after pill," Kurt told them both and Brittany stopped pacing. "She'd had sex with some guy but she seemed pretty upset about it." Brittany bit her lip and glanced towards Quinn. "She seemed okay after I'd dropped her off home so I wouldn't worry about her." Quinn reached across and tapped Brittany on the shoulder and when Brittany looked, she saw Santana walking towards them.

"Hey honey," Brittany smiled, "You're late; I was beginning to worry."

"I had a doctor's appointment," Santana mumbled, hanging her head as she went to her locker. "You needn't worry."

"Can you look at me when you talk?" Brittany laughed, "I have trouble hearing what you're saying." She stuck a finger under Santana's chin and lifted her face so she was looking at her. She gasped and stepped back when she saw her face. One side was a bright red and she had a giant, bloody gash on her cheek as well as a black eye. "Oh my god."

"What happened San?" Quinn asked.

"It's nothing," Santana shrugged, "I just got into a fight with some guy on my way to school this morning and then when I went home to clean up, Mom suggested that I go to the doctor's so that's where I've been all morning."

"That looks really painful," Kurt put in as he walked towards her. "What did the doctor say?"

"He just cleaned me up a bit and put some ice on my eye," Santana whispered, "It doesn't hurt that much anymore, just a bit of pain really." Brittany sighed deeply and ran her thumb over Santana's cut gently. She winced a little at the touch but didn't pull away and just allowed her to carry on. "Brittany, just stop worrying over me."

"Come with me," Quinn took Santana's hand and led her to the bathroom, "We'll just clean that cut up a bit more." Santana nodded as Quinn grabbed a sheet of toilet paper and wet it, pressing it against Santana's cheek. "What really happened San?"

"I told you what happened," she said, "I got into a fight with some guy." Quinn stopped dabbing at her cut and put her head on one side. "I...I kept arguing with my mom's boyfriend and he yelled at me to stop being rude and I said I hated him and wished he was dead and he...he hit me."

"He hit you?" Quinn asked, "What the hell San?"

"I deserved it didn't I?" Santana snapped back, "He...He doesn't do it usually, I...I was just being horrible to him." Santana lied. She couldn't tell Quinn that he'd raped her and enjoyed hurting her like he did.

"He still shouldn't hit you San," Quinn said, "That's abuse and you know that, what did your mom say about it?"

"She wasn't there at the time," Santana whispered, "But I told her I got into a fight with some guy, just like I told you guys."

"Does he threaten you at all?" Santana shook her head, even though it was completely true. "Santana, it's really important that you tell me the truth here."

"I am telling you the truth," Santana cried, tears streaming down her face. Quinn sighed and pulled her in for a hug, rubbing at her back. "I just hate how no one ever believes me, why don't you believe me?"

"Alright," she nodded, "I do believe you, I do don't worry."

"No you don't," Santana shook her head. "I can tell that you don't." Quinn didn't answer her. "I hate my life." Santana mumbled as she slid down the wall and sat on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest protectively.

"What do you mean by that?" Quinn asked, sitting down next to her and placing an arm round her shoulder. Someone came to walk in but Quinn was quick, "Out!" She yelled and they soon left, the door slamming on the way. "What do you mean San?"

"I hate my life," Santana repeated, "No one likes me, my dad's in hospital with cancer, my mom has this boyfriend who I don't even like."

"Tell me the truth here San," Quinn whispered, "Is he horrible to you? Does he hit you at all?"

"No," Santana lied and shook her head. "He doesn't, I swear."

"Alright," Quinn nodded, "You'd tell me if he was though, right?" Santana nodded. "Good but don't say that you hate your life, it isn't a very nice thing to say. You're probably only saying it because your face hurts and you're feeling a little down in the dumps, completely natural."

"I guess," Santana shrugged and leaned in to give Quinn a hug, "Thank you." The door opened once again and Quinn was about to yell but saw Brittany walk in. "Hey Britt, wanna go and grab some lunch?" Santana asked as she stood up.

"Sure," Brittany smiled, "See you later Quinn." Quinn waved them off as they left the bathroom. She was going to be keeping a close eye on Santana from now on.

**Thanks for liking this story, here is the next chapter. **


	6. Bleed

"I still think you should have eaten something at lunch," Brittany told Santana as the two of them walked into the gymnasium for cheerleading practice. "You'll need the strength for cheering." Santana just rolled her eyes and threw her bag down onto one of the benches. "And if you pass out, I'm not catching you."

"Brittany, I'll be fine," Santana reassured her, laughing slightly, "Honestly."

"If you say so," she shrugged her shoulders as they grabbed their pom poms and headed over to the group. "San, if one of these is a pom pom then does that make two of them pom pom pom poms?" Brittany stared into space blankly and Santana decided not to answer her question and just get on with cheering.

Coach Sylvester watched throughout the entire performance, holding her megaphone at her side. It was soon after the performance that she noticed Santana run straight over to grab her bottle of water. What on earth was wrong with her head cheerleader this afternoon?

"Lopez!" She yelled loudly through the megaphone causing Santana to jump, "Get here right now." Looking nervously at Brittany, Santana made her way towards Coach Sylvester, "What is wrong with my head cheerleader today? You're lacking!"

"Sorry Coach, I...I'm just feeling a little tired this afternoon,"

"You better not have got yourself knocked up like Fabray," Santana shook her head, "Hit the showers!" she yelled through the megaphone and Santana sprung into action and raced over to get her bag, walking with Brittany towards the showers.

"I told you that you should have eaten something," Brittany said as they cleaned themselves off with their towels. "At least you didn't pass out, was Coach mad?"

"Yeah," Santana nodded, "She assumes that I'm pregnant because this is the way Quinn acted when she became pregnant."

"You're not, are you?" Brittany joked but Santana shook her head. "Good." She took a swig of water and grabbed her deodorant from her bag, "I'm going to take a shower, are you having one?" Santana shook her head. "You're usually the first to have a shower after practice. You always say that you don't want to walk around smelling and feeling sweaty."

"I don't need one," Santana shook her head. "I feel okay today; you just go and have a shower." Brittany nodded and smiled at her before walking off. Santana glanced around her but saw that everyone had left. They were either in the showers or in class so slowly, she stood up and took her skirt off. She knew that she had to put on a brave face even though her legs were killing her during the dancing. She grabbed her towel and wrapped it round her waist but Brittany walked in.

"Hey San, I forgot..." Brittany glanced at the towel that Santana was holding and saw the red, sticky liquid, "Are you bleeding?" Santana shook her head but tears were streaming down her face. Brittany raced over and sat her down on the bench, "Why are you bleeding? You're not due on for another month," Brittany winked at her, "I know."

"It's not my period," Santana gasped, "It hurts."

"You should have told me that you were bleeding," Brittany said, "What happened?"

"Just shut up," Santana removed the towel and saw more blood, "Fuck." Brittany tied the towel round her and helped her up, leading her towards the showers. Luckily, no one else was in there. She ran some warm water, making sure that it wasn't too hot and helped Santana undress. "Brittany, get off me! I can do it, alright? I'm fine!" Brittany nodded and sat back as Santana undressed herself and got into the shower, shutting the door.

"San, let me in," Brittany hissed, "Please, I've seen you naked before."

"That was different; we were messing around and trying to make Finn jealous by making out in front of him. Just stay there Britt, I'm okay. I...I'm still bleeding a bit but I'll be fine."

"Let me in," Brittany hammered loudly on the door. She heard the door unlock and slowly walked inside to see Santana sitting on the seat with the towel wrapped round her. They always had a seat in the showers for anyone who was disabled. It was big enough for two so Brittany sat down next to Santana and stroked at her wet hair. "Are you okay?" she nodded. "Why were you bleeding?"

"I don't know," Santana lied.

"Does it hurt still?" she shook her head. Brittany took hold of the end of her towel and slowly wiped at Santana's shoulder, whispering in her ear soothingly. "You're really beautiful." Brittany smiled and kissed her cheek. "You're my best friend. Maybe you were bleeding because you haven't eaten anything."

"That makes no sense Britt," Santana shrugged, "Sorry; can you grab my clothes for me?" Brittany nodded and left to get Santana's cheerleading uniform. She came back in and turned the shower off before removing the towel and helping Santana change back into her uniform. "Ow."

"Sorry," Brittany apologised as she pulled the shirt over her head. "Done."

"Thanks," Santana thanked her and pulled her wet hair into a tight ponytail. "You won't tell anyone about this, will you? Please."

"If you don't want me to," Brittany whispered quietly as they left the shower cubicle, "Then I won't.

"Don't," Santana shook her head, "It'd mean a lot to me if you wouldn't."

"Then I won't," Brittany took out her bottle of water and handed it to her, "Have a drink." Santana thanked her and had a small sip. "Are you sure you've stopped bleeding now?" Santana nodded, "Alright; that was really scary."

"Don't be scared," Santana caressed her cheek and hugged her, "I...I probably pulled a muscle or danced too much," she lied, knowing that Brittany believed anything. "Come on, we need to get to class." Brittany nodded as they grabbed their bags, shut their lockers and headed off to class.

**Brittana! :D Hope you liked the chapter, thanks for all the reviews. Just wondering, should this chapter be rated T or M. It's T at the moment but I'm not sure. **


	7. Blame It on the Alcohol

"God, I had the worst day at school ever Shadow," Santana groaned as she took some aspirin out of the medicine cabinet and swallowed them with one sip of water. "I turned up late because of what Mark did to me, I got a detention off Mr Schue for not doing my homework which I did do but Mark ripped up and I started bleeding and worrying Brittany. She almost found out as well." Shadow looked up at his owner and followed her downstairs to the kitchen, "Thank goodness that we're home alone now though, eh boy?"

Santana rummaged through the cupboards and she soon came to the cupboard where her mom and Mark kept the alcohol. She stood on tip toes and reached up high to grab the nearest bottle of vodka. She was underage and so her mom didn't let her have any, not even a little sip. She was only ever allowed the odd Champagne on special occasions. Slowly, she unscrewed the lid of the bottle and had a sip. She ran a hand down her face and sniffled, letting the tears fall as she kept drinking. Shadow watched her from a distance, whimpering a little at the state that she was in. She ignored him though and just continued to drink. There was then a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" Santana slurred to them. The door was unlocked so she didn't know why they had to knock.

"Quinn!" Quinn called back to her.

"Come on in," Santana rubbed at her head as the door opened and Quinn walked in. Shadow got to his feet and ran over wagging his tail but Quinn didn't bother to stroke him. She was more concerned about the state of Santana, "hmmm," Santana laughed.

"San," Quinn picked up the bottle, "Sweetie, are you drunk?"

"Friday," she managed. Quinn sighed and chucked the empty bottle into the trash before getting Santana to look up from resting her head on the table. She knelt down on the floor and rubbed at Santana's back.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Having fun," Santana managed and coughed a little, "Wow, I'm going to barf over you later."

"I'd really rather you didn't," Quinn shot her a small smile, trying not to be angry. "I'm going to make you some coffee, it usually helps." Santana didn't answer but Quinn found a mug and began making her some coffee when her cell began ringing. "Here."

"Water rules!" Santana screeched.

"Yes," Quinn nodded and rummaged for her phone in her pocket. "Yes it does."

"I hate black coffee," Santana mumbled, rubbing at her head again.

"Drink it," Quinn said sternly as she answered her phone, "Hey Brittany, I'm at Santana's. Sorry, I...I can't come out right now." Santana stood up, looking hopeful. "You're not going anywhere," Quinn ordered and pushed her back into the chair. "Sorry Britt now isn't the best time. San just isn't feeling well, no need to come over."

"I'm okay," Santana reassured her.

"See you soon Britt," Quinn smiled and nodded at Santana as she noticed her drinking the coffee. "Good girl," she praised once she was off the phone. "I know black coffee tastes disgusting but it helps after alcohol."

"Whatever," she coughed.

"Can you come with me upstairs? I think we need to get you to bed," Santana nodded and stood up from the table, stumbling a little and falling into Quinn's arms. "Come on," Quinn managed to help her upstairs and into the bathroom but as they entered, Santana lunged forwards and threw up all over the floor. "Oh god San."

"That's so gross," Santana laughed and wiped at her mouth, "I barfed."

"Just get to bed," Quinn grabbed hold of her arms and led her out the bathroom and towards her bedroom, "I'll clean that up later, just lay, rest and sleep." Santana nodded and flopped down onto her bed, rolling over onto her back. "Get some sleep; I'll get you a glass of water and a bucket just in case." Quinn tucked her in and kissed her head before making her way towards the bathroom. The smell of sick filled the air but she knew that she had to clean it up before her mom got home. She was in the middle of cleaning that up when she heard the front door slam from downstairs. "Mrs Lopez!"

"Brittany," the voice called up the stairs.

"Oh," Quinn sighed, "Come on up Britt!" Brittany raced up the stairs and walked in. "San threw up and now she's sleeping."

"Is she okay?" Brittany panicked, stepping over the mess.

"She's drunk," Quinn informed her. "I caught her drinking from a bottle of vodka and then she told me that it was Friday and that water ruled." Brittany laughed, "It isn't funny Britt!"

"Sorry, San makes me laugh when she's drunk. Was she crying?" Quinn nodded, "She sometimes cries when she's drunk and she sometimes shouts at me as well."

"She didn't shout," Quinn shook her head, "She cried a bit but she was mainly happy and coming out with every random thing that she could think of."

"I'll go and check on her," Brittany offered and made her way towards Santana's bedroom. Santana was lying in bed, her eyes open. "I thought Quinn told you to sleep," Brittany giggled and walked over, stroking at her hair.

"I ain't tired," Santana laughed but began sniffling and burst into tears.

"Whoa, hey," Brittany was shocked at her sudden change of mood, "Calm down. Throwing up isn't anything to get upset about, we all do it. Remember when I was sick and you looked after me and I threw up over you. I couldn't even look at you after that because I was so embarrassed but you told me that it was nothing to worry about." Santana nodded, "Seriously; don't get upset. I'll go and help Quinn but..."

"No!" Santana grabbed her arm and clutched it tightly, "Stay the night? Please, I...I don't want to be alone." Santana smiled up at her, "Please."

"Sure," Brittany nodded and got into bed beside her friend.


	8. Dreams

"No! No! No!"

Brittany woke up to the sound of nearby screaming. The bed felt warm and wet but she soon realised where that was coming from. Her arm was wrapped gracefully round Santana and the amount of body heat that was coming off the Latina scared a little. Santana was thrashing around in bed, screaming and crying loudly for someone to stop and get off her.

"San," Brittany whispered in a calm voice as she sat upright in bed. She reached across and turned on Santanas beside lamp before rubbing at her eyes. It was the in the morning and they'd be having to get up for school in four hours time. "San!" Santana continued to toss and turn, the screams getting louder.

"Get off of me!"

"San its me," Brittany said close to tears. If it wasn't so early then she would have called Quinn but she didn't want to disturb her. Panicking, Brittany raced into Aletta and Marks bedroom but saw that their bed was unslept in. There was a note on the dresser.

_Tana, Mark and I are out for the night. See you tomorrow evening, have a good day at school and be good. Mom x_

Brittany just tossed one note into the trash and raced back into Santanas bedroom, shaking her rapidly so that she would wake up. She was still sweating and scamming and she felt ever so warm. _  
_

"San, you have to wake up," Brittany panicked. "Please sweetie, you're scaring me. You need to wake up, now!"

Brittany tried everything. She shook her, she sung to her, she wet cold water on her face, she brought Shadow upstairs. Nothing worked. Santanas screams just got worst and she was struggling to breathe, it was almost as if she was having a panic attack whilst sleeping. It got to almost four o'clock and the Latinas eyes snapped open.

"Brittany!" she cried.

"You're awake," Brittany jumped onto the bed and wrapped her arms round her. "That was so scary, you wouldn't wake up and I couldn't wake you."

"How...how long was I screaming for?" Santana managed.

"About an hour, what were you dreaming about?"

"I...I dont remember," Santana lied. She did really. She remembered Mark storming in and kissing her and forcing her onto the couch. "Dont leave me."

"I'm not going to, not after that," Brittany soothed and climbed in beside her. "Have you cooled down a bit now?" Santana nodded. "Good, you were sweating really badly and burning up."

"I'm okay," Santana whispered. Shadow jumped onto the bed and licked her hand. "Are mom and Mark home?"

"Your mom left a note, they're out for the night but will be back tomorrow." Santana nodded. "Do you want to get back to sleep? It's a school day."

"What if it happens again?"

"It won't," Brittany kissed her cheek. "Get some sleep." Santana sighed and relaxed back against the pillow, Brittany's arm wrapped round her waist protectively.

**Sorry if that chapter wasn't very good grammar and spelling wise. It's the first chapter I wrote on my iPad and I kept making mistakes lol. Anyway, Santana has had her first nightmare after what happened but Britany still doesn't know the truth. More to come soon. **


	9. Mean

Santana lay in bed, eyes wide open. It was a school day but after her nightmare last night and not getting much sleep afterwards, Brittany had insisted that she stay home. Santana's cell lay on her bedside table, turned on. The blonde had promised to text when she could just to make sure that she was okay.

"Honey!" Santana's head propped up as she heard her mom call up the stairs. Aletta Lopez then walked in, "What are you doing at home? You have school today."

"I...I wasn't feeling very well," Santana lied. She didn't want to mention her nightmare to her mom.

"Oh what a shame," she pouted, "I need to pop out to the store I'm afraid but Mark's downstairs if you need anything." She smiled at her as she left the room, shutting the door on her way out. Santana's heart dropped. Her, home alone with Mark. Now she really wished that she'd gone to school. "Mom!" Santana yelled and jumped out of bed, running to the top of the stairs. She'd left, "Oh no."

"Hello sweetheart," Mark whispered from the bottom. "Why don't you come downstairs and sit with me, eh?" Santana shook her head. "That's fine; I can just come up there to your bedroom." Santana slowly backed away and tried to run but Mark came thundering up the stairs behind her, yelling as he went.

"Get away from me!" Santana screamed and flung herself onto her bed, "Stop it! I'll tell Mom, stop it!"

"No, you won't," he threatened as he got on top of her, pinning her down on the bed. "You won't because you know what will happen."

"Okay, okay," Santana gasped for a breath, "I won't say anything; just please don't hurt me!" Santana's cell phone began vibrating. Mark checked it and looked at the caller ID. Noticing that it was Brittany, he chucked it straight against the wall.

"Does your little bitch friend know?" he asked, "Does she?"

"No, she...she spent the night but I didn't tell her," Santana cried, "Please just stop!"

"You fucking lesbian!" he yelled. "Are you a lesbian now eh? Are you?" Santana shook her head. "You deserve this, understand?" she nodded. "Do you?"

"Yes!" Santana screamed in tears, "I do, just get off of me please!"

"No," Mark pressed his lips to hers and ran his hands through her hair. Santana screamed, attempting to kick him off but he was too strong. He fingered her pyjama shirt button and groaned pleasantly as he pulled her shirt off of her shoulders. Santana screamed louder, causing Shadow to start barking. "Shut that dumb dog up!" Mark hit Shadow across the face and shoved him out of the room, slamming the door in his face. Santana attempted to get the window open to escape but he grabbed hold of her and continued to undress her.

"Get off, please! I need to check on Shadow, you hurt him!" Mark just didn't answer her and slid her pyjama pants down slowly, kissing her harder. Santana screamed, tears falling from her eyes. It all happened too fast. He soon stopped and got up to leave. Santana collapsed in a huddle on her bed as the door slammed shut once more and Shadow raced over to give her face a lick.

Santana was sure that she couldn't move. Everything hurt. She attempted to reach for her pyjamas but a horrible, stinging pain just shot through her. The TV downstairs began blaring out and the living room door shut. Santana grabbed her towel from the floor and wrapped it round her, standing up and slowly making her way to the bathroom. She ran some warm water and put the plug in the bath. Making sure that the temperature wasn't too hot, she slowly climbed in, wincing as it stung her body. She hugged her knees to her chest and sat in the bath, watching as the water turned a horrible reddish, muddy colour. Taking a cloth and wetting it, she washed her body attempting to fix her wounds. When she was done, she climbed out, wrapped the towel round her again and let the reddish water wash away down the plughole.

She needed to get to school but she couldn't wear her Cheerio's uniform. Instead, she found an old pair of sweatpants and a baggy t-shirt and jacket. She slipped them on along with an old pair of converse and ran a brush through her messy hair. She couldn't be bothered tying it up so grabbing her bag, she left. She glanced towards Shadow who was sat whimpering at her and she knew that she couldn't leave him there with Mark.

"Come on boy," she put his lead on him and took him out with her. She made her way to Brittany's house first and saw that her mom was home.

"Santana," Linda looked shocked to see her, "Haven't you got school? Is it Brittany?"

"No, Brittany's fine and I...I'm just on my way," Santana told her, "I can't leave Shadow home alone, can...can you take care of him? I know Lord Tubbington likes to play with him sometimes and you've always been great to him. I'll pick him up after school, don't worry."

"Of course sweetheart," Linda took Shadow's lead. "Have a good day at school." Santana thanked her, patted Shadow on the head and walked off to school. Brittany had just come back from cheerleading and was shocked to see Santana there.

"San," Brittany whispered and looked her up and down. "Sweetheart, what are you doing here?"

"I...I need to talk to you," Santana broke down into tears and fell into her arms, "Please." Brittany nodded and led her towards the Library. "I'm so sorry, I...I had to see you. I dropped Shadow off with your mom and I...I can't."

"Sweetie," Brittany soothed and sat Santana down in a corner chair. The Library was completely deserted. "What happened? What's wrong?"

"It...I..." Santana wiped at her eyes. "It...It's Mark," she managed, "My mom's boyfriend."

"What about him?" Brittany asked, "Is he hurt?" Santana shook her head, "Baby, I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on." Santana rubbed at her side and lifted her shirt slightly to reveal a giant bruise and scar on the side of her stomach. "What happened?" Brittany asked in alarm.

"It...It was Mark," Santana sobbed, "He...He hurt me..."

"He hit you?" Brittany asked, her eyes going wide.

"Yeah," Santana nodded, "And he...he...oh god...he...he raped me."

**Wow so Brittany finally knows. Sorry to leave it on such a cliff-hanger but I should get another chapter up today hopefully. **


	10. It's All Coming Back To Me Now

Santana had never felt so safe in all her life. After telling Brittany what had happened, she'd just wanted to go home, back to Brittany's house and she wanted Brittany to take her. They hadn't bothered telling anyone like Principal Figgins or Mr Schue. They'd just gone home straight away, remaining silent until they got there. Brittany had just told her mom that Santana wasn't feeling well and that she was allowed to take her home because of how ill she was feeling. Linda believed it and headed off to work leaving the two girls and Shadow alone.

Now, Brittany was sitting cross legged on the floor of the living room rooting through DVD's and sighing deeply to herself. Santana was upstairs fast asleep in Brittany's bed and she didn't really want to disturb her after everything that had happened.

A blood curling scream was soon heard throughout the house. Brittany dropped the DVD that she was holding and rushed out of the room and upstairs. Santana was lying in Brittany's bed, tossing and turning. Her screams were loud enough for people in Australia to hear and sweat streamed down her face, wetting the mattress. Brittany jumped onto the bed and attempted to shake her away and uncurl her fingers that gripped the bed sheets. Her grip just tightened and her screams grew louder.

"San, San it's me," Brittany soothed, "San, you need to wake up."

"No! No, please get away from me! Please," Santana panicked and screamed once more.

"San, you need to wake up."

"C...Can't," Santana gasped, "H...Hurts. My...My chest!"

"I know it hurts but you need to wake up for me, come on." Santana's eyes soon sprung open and Brittany held her close. "It's me; it's okay. He isn't here; calm down baby, calm down for me, there we go." Santana coughed as she began to panic, looking around her for any sign of Mark. "He isn't here."

"One, two, three, four, five, six..." Santana gasped, shutting her eyes.

"What are you doing?" Brittany asked but Santana just ignored her and kept counting.

"Seven, eight, nine, ten." She relaxed and took a deep breath.

"What was that about?" Brittany asked her, feeling slightly scared. She hated to see her best friend in so much pain and she could barely look into Santana's eyes because all she saw was fear and sadness. It hurt her to see Santana looking and feeling like this.

"It...It just calms me down," Santana managed, "I want to come downstairs now." Brittany nodded and helped her out of bed. Santana was dressed in a pair of Santana's duck pyjamas; Brittany grabbed her pink nightgown and wrapped it round Santana before leading her downstairs. "I...Am I allowed to have something to eat?" Santana asked.

"Of course you can. I'll get you something," Brittany smiled and patted her shoulder as she walked past her and into the kitchen. "What do you fancy?" she shrugged her shoulders and just stood in the doorway, "I can't cook overly well but I have candy bar, chips, fruit. I can do beans on toast if you want that." Santana nodded and took a seat at the table as Brittany took out two slices of bread and popped them in the toaster. She then found the beans and put a pan on for them. "Did you sleep okay?"

"I guess," she said quietly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Brittany asked. She didn't want to push the subject, sensing how upset and scared Santana actually was. Santana faintly nodded as Brittany spread the beans over the toast and placed it in front of Santana with a glass of apple juice. "How many times did it happen?"

"A couple," Santana croaked, taking a small bite out of the corner.

"Does anyone else know?" Santana shook her head, "Is that why you had the nightmare?" Brittany asked, "And why you were bleeding? And is that where the black eye and the cut came from?" Santana put down her toast and nodded, tears forming in her eyes. "Oh San, you should have said something. I wouldn't let you go through this alone." Brittany said, tears forming in her eyes.

"I was embarrassed,"

"Sweetheart, you don't need to be embarrassed," Brittany soothed her, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Honestly. You didn't do anything wrong, I promise you. I think we should tell someone about this, eh? A teacher, my mom or even Quinn."

"No," Santana shook her head, "Please, I...I can't tell anyone."

"You told me," Brittany pointed out.

"Because you're my best friend and I trust you," Santana cried, "I can't tell anyone Brittany, I can't!" Brittany faintly nodded. "Can...Can you please just keep it to yourself?"

"You do know that people will need to know about this at some point," Brittany said, "They'll need to know what happened."

"I know," Santana nodded, "Just...Just not yet, please."

"Alright," Brittany sighed, "It'll just be our little secret; for now."


	11. Don't Panic

"Okay guys, you all did so well with the last competition so I have a treat for you." Mr Schue began Glee with an announcement. "Now it won't be for a while yet but for two whole weeks, we are going to LA!" Everyone began cheering with excitement. "We will be staying in a hotel opposite Santa Monica beach and I have assigned pairs for each room."

"Mr Schue," Santana put her hand up. "Can Brittany and I share a room?"

"I have already assigned the pairs," he chuckled. "But you and Brittany are sharing." The two girls high fived each other. "Mercedes and Tina are sharing, Finn and Kurt are sharing, Puck and Sam are sharing, Artie and Blaine are sharing and Rachel and Quinn."

"I have to share with Kurt?" Finn asked in shock.

"Yeah and I'm not allowed to share with my boyfriend?" Kurt asked.

"I am sharing with Berry?" Quinn yelled.

"Guys," Mr Schue held his hands up. "No room changes, I'm sorry."

"Lucky Santana," Quinn scoffed. "And Brittany, you two are the only ones sharing with who you want to share with."

"I like sharing with Tina," Mercedes said. "We'll have a laugh."

"No offence Artie," Blaine said to his assigned roommate. "But couldn't we have chosen who we wanted to share with Mr Schue?"

"No because that just causes problems," he said, "It'll be great guys, trust me and this is a one time thing for the glee club okay? Principal Figgins said he will allow it as long as we make a video of our trip and squeeze in some rehersal time which I'm sure we can do."

"Rehersal on vacation?" Finn asked with a disgusted look.

"Extra rehersal is always good, it's best to keep on top if things," Rachel smirked and flicked her hair.

"Okay so can I have Santana and Finn up here." Mr Schue picked two random people, one boy and one girl and brought them up to the front. "I want you to face each other and..." Mr Schue turned towards Santana. She was shifting uncomfortably on the spot and all the colour had suddenly drained from her face. "Santana, are you okay?"

"Can I please leave the room?" Santana asked and rubbed at her chest. "I...I can't breathe."

"Santana," Brittany got up and rushed to her friends side, rubbing at her shoulder. "San, what's wrong?"

"She's having a panic attack," Rachel spoke up quickly. She used to get them a lot when she was being bullied and so she knew the symptoms well.

"San, breathe," Brittany coached. "Head between your legs and count to ten, just like you did yesterday yeah?" Santana nodded and did as she was told, slowly beginning to count. "That's it."

"It hurts, I...I can't breathe," Santana gasped.

"I know it hurts," Brittany whispered. "I know but it'll be over soon. Just breathe."

"Here." Quinn came over and handed Brittany a bottle of water. Brittany thanked her and helped Santana have a couple of sips. "No problem."

"Feeling any better?" Brittany asked and Santana nodded.

"Santana, has this ever happened before?" Mr Schue asked and Santana managed a nod. "Are you on medication?"

"No, I'm fine!" Santana snapped, continuing to rub at her chest. "I don't need any stupid medication."

"San," Brittany whispered as everyone looked over at the two girls. "Sorry but can't you just tell them San?"

"No," Santana shook her head. "I can't."

"San," Finn walked closer but she tensed up and flinched away from him, kicking him hard in the shin. He let out a yelp of pain and clutched at his sore shin, hopping about.

"Santana, what's going on?" Mr Schue asked.

"Nothing!" she screamed in tears as she sat on the floor, "Just stop asking me!" Brittany sat next to her and rubbed at her arm comfortingly, attempting to calm her down and suggesting that she tells them. With that, Santana clambered to her feet and bolted out of the room at full speed. Quinn sighed and ran after her whilst Brittany just remained where she was.

"San," Quinn caught up and grabbed hold of the Latina's arm. "San, it...it's me." Santana turned round slowly with tears in her eyes. "Are you okay?" she nodded and wiped her tears away. "I can tell you're not San."

"I'm fine," she croaked, "Really, I...I don't know...I...I just had a minor panic attack."

"Minor?" Quinn scoffed, "Hey, why don't you stay the night at mine tonight? You and Brittany, my mom's away for a few days so I have the whole house to myself. We could order a pizza, have some drinks. It'll be fun." Santana nodded thankfully at the blonde and allowed her to take her to the bathroom to wash her face.


	12. Hospital Part 1

"Aletta," Mark walked into the living room to see his girlfriend sitting on the couch watching the TV. Shadow was at her feet and quickly left as soon as Mark entered. Aletta looked up and smiled lovingly at him. "Where's Santana?" he asked, shutting Shadow out and folding his arms.

"She's sleeping over at Quinn's with Brittany," Aletta told her, "It's good for her; she hasn't been round there in a while. I was beginning to think that she and Quinn had fallen out."

"You let her go to a friend's house?" Mark stepped forwards and raised a hand, slapping her hard across the face. Aletta stared up at him with tears in her eyes, shocked at what he'd just done. "I don't believe you; do you really think that little bitch is going to come home now?"

"Don't call her that," Aletta screeched in tears, "She is my daughter in case you don't know!"

"Not for long," Mark got up close in her face and smirked from ear to ear.

* * *

"Hey Britt, can I ask you a question?" Quinn asked Brittany as the two girls sat on Quinn's couch. Brittany nodded as she reached across and rummaged her hand in the bowl of popcorn that Quinn had sat on the coffee table. "What's going on with Santana?" It was twelve thirty in the morning and the three girls were still up.

"What do you mean?" Brittany asked and stuffed the popcorn into her mouth. She knew very well what Quinn meant but she wasn't going to give anything away. Santana would kill her if she said anything without her permission. "Where is Santana anyway?"

"She's changing into some pyjamas that I leant her," Quinn mentioned, "And what I mean is that she's been acting really strange lately."

"Like how?"

"Well she had a panic attack in Glee Club earlier on, wouldn't let Finn near her, was really snappy and...well, has it got something to do with her mom's boyfriend?" Quinn asked. "I just wondered because she did tell me that he hit her once, she said it was a one time thing but I just hate to think that he might be hurting her."

"I have to go," Brittany whispered and stood up before heading upstairs. The bathroom door was shut and locked so she guessed that Santana was inside. "San, it's me," Brittany called into her. "Can I come in?" She heard the door unlock and slowly she turned the handle and walked inside, shutting it behind her. Santana was sitting back against the bath with her arms wrapped round her legs protectively. "Honey," Brittany whispered and took a seat on the floor next to her. Brittany then caught sight of something next to the trash-can, causing her to worry. It was a razor. She glanced towards Santana and saw that her clothing and towel was covering every bit of her body. Normally self harm wouldn't occur to Brittany but after what happened, she pretty much guessed it. "San honey, would you mind me having a quick look at your arms?"

"No," Santana pulled away from Brittany and shook her head, "Please no."

"Just let me look, I won't be angry," Santana removed her arms from her legs and allowed Brittany to roll the sleeve of her right arm up. She was shocked at what she saw, a bloody cut going all the way down her arm. "Oh sweetie, you stupid girl."

"You said that you wouldn't be angry," Santana reminded her.

"I'm not," Brittany sighed, "Just...disappointed I guess. Can you please not tell Quinn?"

"Maybe not about this," Brittany whispered, "But we need to tell her about Mark." Santana shook her head and broke down into tears. "Baby, don't be scared. You're strong, you can't give up now."

"I just...I can't tell anyone because he...he'll kill me if I do, he said so. He said that he'll kill me if I tell anyone and I..." Their moment was interrupted by Quinn knocking on the bathroom door, "Oh god no, no!"

"Brittany, what's going on?" Quinn asked through the door, "Brittany!"

"Don't let her in," Santana growled, clenching her teeth together.

"This is her house," Brittany pointed out. "C...Come in," Quinn walked in, shocked to see them both sitting on the bathroom floor next to each other. "Hey Quinn," Brittany smiled, trying to put on a brave face.

"It's almost one o'clock, what are you both doing in here?" They were silent, "Guys?" Brittany looked down at Santana and cupped her face in her hands, caressing her cheek gently. Santana just faintly nodded and Brittany looked up at Quinn. "What's going on?"

"It...It's about Mark," Brittany gulped nervously, "He...He's been hurting San, he...he hits her and he...he...he's raped her a few times." Quinn was silent for a good few minutes as she sat down on the closed toilet seat. She then took her cell out of her pocket and began dialling. "No, what are you doing?" Brittany asked.

"Calling the police," Quinn told her.

"Don't!" Santana cried as she scrambled to grab the phone from Quinn, "Just don't, please! You can't call them! You can't, please! Please don't!" Brittany took hold of her arms and allowed her to fall into her lap, her head collapsing against her chest as she burst into tears.

"Baby, we won't," Brittany soothed and stroked her hair, "Calm down, we won't call them, we won't call them." Quinn watched as she slowly ended the call and put her cell back into her pocket. "Ssshh come on honey, calm down, ssshh, it's okay."

"He'll kill me if he knows you called the police," Santana sobbed.

"San," Quinn begged, close to tears. "We need to call the police and we need to get you to hospital." Santana shook her head and buried her face back into Brittany's chest, "Please San!"

"San, come on," Brittany soothed, "We need to get you to the hospital, Quinn's right."

"They could do a rape test on you sweetheart," Quinn whispered as she came and knelt in front of her friends. "And collect any evidence to prove what Mark did to you, we can get you to the hospital and call the police from there okay?"

"It...It's one in the morning," Santana said and Quinn nodded, knowing that already. "It's too early."

"I know but come on, keep the pyjamas on but I'll lend you a coat and you can put your shoes on and snuggle up in the back of the car with Brittany and a blanket. Don't think of the hospital part and just think of it being a cosy, night time car ride." Santana nodded. "Get your shoes on, I'll find you my old Cheerio's jacket to wear and I'll drive." Quinn patted her shoulder and left the bathroom.

Brittany helped Santana up and took her downstairs. Santana sat on the bottom stair and allowed Brittany to help her slip her shoes on whilst Quinn came down and helped her into her Cheerio's jacket before handing Brittany a blanket. They shoved their coats and shoes on and Quinn got the car keys before making her way into the night. Brittany sat with Santana in the back seat, the blanket draped over them whilst Quinn drove.

"Comfy in the back?" Quinn asked the girls.

"Yeah," Brittany answered quietly but Santana didn't answer. She just stared out the window, tears in her eyes. "Honey, please don't be scared." They arrived at the hospital and pulled into the parking lot. Santana stayed in the back of the car though, refusing to move.

"Brittany, can you go inside please?" Quinn asked, "Just tell the receptionist Santana's name and explain everything and she should get us a doctor." Brittany nodded and headed inside. "Hey," Quinn whispered to Santana who was still sat in the car, not wanting to get out. Quinn smiled and held her hand out to her.

"I'm scared," Santana admitted.

"Ssshh, we've got you."

"I'll be safe?" Quinn nodded. Santana took a deep breath and slowly, climbed out of the car.


	13. Hospital Part 2

_"Brittany, can you go inside please?" Quinn asked, "Just tell the receptionist Santana's name and explain everything and she should get us a doctor." Brittany nodded and headed inside. "Hey," Quinn whispered to Santana who was still sat in the car, not wanting to get out. Quinn smiled and held her hand out to her._

_"I'm scared," Santana admitted._

_"Ssshh, we've got you."_

_"I'll be safe?" Quinn nodded. Santana took a deep breath and slowly, climbed out of the car._

Quinn wrapped the blanket tighter round Santana's shoulders and placed an arm round her. She slowly led Santana through the hospital doors and saw Brittany at the reception desk talking to the receptionist. Quinn smiled and took Santana over, introducing her to the woman.

"Santana Lopez," she whispered and Santana managed a small smile, "Sorry, she...she's a little nervous."

"Don't mention it, we'll get you to a room straight away Santana," the receptionist told her. She had a name tag reading, Elaine. She typed a few things on her computer and Brittany gave Santana's arm a comforting rub. There was the sound of a door slamming and a couple of male doctors began walking towards them. Santana tensed up and began to panic, edging towards Quinn and bumping into her.

"San, don't be scared," Quinn said, "I told you that you'll be safe and you will be, don't be scared."

"I want to go home," Santana cried.

"Santana," one of the doctors slowly edged closer to them, keeping his distance. "I'm Doctor Adams and this is Doctor Griffs, would you like to come with us?" Santana shook her head and clung to Quinn.

"Is it possible to get a female doctor?" Quinn asked and Doctor Adams nodded, walking away with Doctor Griffs. Quinn didn't understand why they'd brought male doctors out, knowing Santana's situation but she guessed that it was to test her and to see how she reacted to them. "It's fine San, I told you that you'll be safe and you will," she soothed, "You'll be fine honestly." Quinn could feel Santana shaking in her arms and she was beginning to feel really cold. The two doctors soon came back with a female doctor right behind. "Come on."

"Santana," the female doctor whispered softly, "I'm Doctor Lions but you can call me Jane if you'd prefer. Come with me yeah? Your friends can come too if you'd like," Jane took her hand but Santana stepped back and shook her head. Brittany saw the feared look on her face and recognised what was going on. Santana then let loose a loud, high pitched scream throughout the entire hospital. Quinn wrapped her arms round her waist so she couldn't run off but she began kicking and punching the air and Quinn wasn't strong enough. Santana made her escape and Quinn fell to the floor as she pulled away from her grasp.

"Grab her!" Quinn pleaded. She turned to Brittany who was just standing there looking scared, "Brittany!" At once, Brittany sprung into action and chased after her friend, catching up and grabbing her hand straight away. They got a wheelchair out for her and Brittany sat her down in it with the blanket wrapped round her shoulders.

"San, look at me," Brittany soothed, cupping Santana's face in her hands, "Look at me, you're going to be okay. Quinn and I are going to come in with you and everything will be okay, I promise. You don't need to be scared."

"I just want to go home," Santana cried.

"I know," Brittany kissed her forehead as Jane took the handles of the wheelchair. "Come on, yeah? Deep breaths for me," Santana just nodded.

"Come on babe," Quinn rubbed her shoulder. "Be brave." Santana just squeezed Brittany's hand as she was wheeled into a room. They had a bed set up and Quinn took the blanket off of Santana's shoulders whilst Brittany helped her into a hospital gown.

"Okay Santana," Jane told her as she sat on the bed. It was more like a table but it was comfy enough. "You're in the gown so I just want you to take your pants and underwear off for me please. I'm not going to hurt you, it's just a quick test that I need to do." Brittany squeezed Santana's hand as she took her pants and underwear off, wincing a little. "That's great Santana, now this is going to be a little uncomfortable for you but just lay back on the bed for me. I'm just going to run a rape-kit on you." Santana managed a nod and reached for Brittany's hand to squeeze as the test was done.

"Let's talk about pizza," Brittany perked up. "It'll distract you; I like pepperoni and the ham and pineapple. What pizza do you like Quinn?"

"I like ham and pineapple to," Quinn said stroking Santana's hair.

"Done," Jane said from the end of the bed. "Well done Santana, you were really brave. Now, do you mind if we ask you a couple of questions?" Santana shook her head, "How many times did this happen?"

"Twice," Santana whispered quietly and squeezed Brittany's hand harder.

"Have you taken any form of contraception at all?"

"I...I took the morning after pill after the first time," she confessed, "But nothing after the second, I...I just took a shower."

"And your parents don't know about this, no?"

"My...My mom doesn't but my...my dad's in hospital with cancer at the moment; I haven't told him though."

"Who's done this to you Santana?" Jane asked in a gentle voice, "The thing is, we need to know so we can catch him so then he won't do it ever again."

"He...He'll kill me," Santana sobbed.

"Santana, I promise you that if you tell me who did this then he will never ever be able to get you."

"Tell her San," Quinn nudged Santana's arm, trying to get her to tell her on her own. "Go on, you told me and Brittany."

"M...Mark Wainwright," Santana swallowed hard and hung her head, squeezing Brittany's hand tighter. "My...My mom's boyfriend."

**I know people are starting to find out about what happened to Santana now but it isn't near the end at all. This story will go on to show how Santana is coping after everything that had happened. The idea of the story was to have people find out quite early and then show how people do cope after getting raped and how it can change their whole life. I don't think Santana will ever get over what happened to her. I hope you liked this chapter, more updates will be coming soon. **


	14. Big Girls Don't Cry

**I know I am updating this story loads at the moment but I just have so many ideas and not that much college work right now so here is another chapter. **

"Both found dead in the comfort of their own home. Woman, 46, name Aletta Lopez, stabbed three times in the chest and left in the kitchen. Man, 48, Mark Wainwright, hung himself in the kitchen by a rope, suspected to have killed the woman before killing himself." P.C McDonald stood up and turned towards his partner. "The woman's daughter is in hospital after being raped by her boyfriend and now they're both dead."

"Poor kid," his partner sighed and shook his head, "We should probably break the news to her."

"The amount of crimes we have solved over the year," P.C McDonald said and put away his notepad, "This has to be the worst."

* * *

"How are you feeling this morning?" Quinn asked Santana, gently squeezing her hand. Santana shrugged her shoulders. It was a school day but Quinn and Brittany were remaining at the hospital to take care of Santana. "You can cry, you know?"

"Morning Santana," Jane walked into the room, "Did you sleep okay?" Santana nodded, "I just want to run some things by you. I was talking to Brittany outside, she's worrying about you but she did tell me you've had really bad panic attacks and nightmares."

"Yeah," Santana whispered, "I...I just keep...keep thinking of him."

"That's completely natural for someone who's been what you went through," Jane said, "But I'm going to give you some medication to take to try and ease these panic attacks okay?" Santana nodded. "It's just a small pot of pills that don't taste of anything, no horrible liquids or anything like that."

"Alright," she said quietly. "What...what about my nightmares?"

"Well there isn't much we could do about the nightmares apart from maybe some small counselling for you," Jane smiled. "But it is important that if you ever have a nightmare that's really bad then...I would like you to try and be brave and try and wake up on your own."

"I can't though," Santana shrugged, "I've tried before; it...I just can't."

"I'd like you to try," Jane said. "And maybe your friends could help you out by finding some counselling for you."

"She has trouble talking to people," Quinn mentioned as she sat on the edge of Santana's bed and rubbed her shoulders. "Like it took her ages to tell me and Brittany what was going on and she...she doesn't trust very easily."

"Stop talking Quinn," Santana put in but Quinn just rolled her eyes. "I just don't like talking to people, that's all. I hate talking to people about my problems."

"Quinn, could you give us a minute?" Jane asked Quinn who nodded and left. Jane sighed and turned to Santana, "We found injuries on you but they were injuries that didn't link in with the rape. They were cuts but they seemed self inflicted."

"I...I did it once," Santana cried, tears streaming down her face. "And it was only last night, pl...please don't tell Quinn because she'll go mad at me."

"Everything that you tell me Santana is confidential," Jane said, "Why do you think I asked Quinn to leave the room, eh?" Santana nodded thankfully at her as Quinn walked back in, closely followed by two policemen.

"They want to speak to you San," Quinn said quietly, "It's about your mom and Mark."

"Have...Have you arrested Mark?" Santana asked.

"We...We found him dead Santana," P.C McDonald spoke quietly, "He'd hung himself and your...your mom, we suspect that he'd killed her. I'm so sorry Santana." Santana did allow herself to cry then. Quinn came over and held her close, stroking at her hair and kissing her cheek. The door opened again and Brittany walked in.

"Is everything okay?" she asked and Santana nodded in Quinn's arms. Brittany slowly walked over and Quinn gently passed Santana over to her for a hug. "Everything will be fine San, he's gone now," she soothed, "He can't hurt you anymore, he's gone now."


	15. Don't Give Up

Rachel watched as Quinn went to her locker. They'd all found out what happened to Santana and none of them could quite believe it, Rachel seemed the only one brave enough to actually talk to Quinn about it.

"How's Santana this morning?" Rachel asked, going over to her. Quinn slammed her locker door shut and turned round, shocked to see that Rachel was talking to her. "Is she still in hospital? We...We all found out what happened."

"She's fine," Quinn nodded, "And yes she's still in hospital. Look Rachel, I know that neither of us are very happy about sharing a room with each other in LA but we are so how about we just try and get along with each other alright?"

"Sounds good to me," Rachel smiled. "It might be fun anyway."

"I'm sure we'll figure out some way to have fun," Quinn laughed. They then heard giggling and turned to see Brittany walking over whilst on the phone. "I think she's talking to San," Quinn whispered to Rachel. "Britt, can I speak to her?"

"Yeah, hang on San. Quinn wants a word," Brittany passed her cell phone over to Quinn.

"Hey honey," Quinn smiled as she spoke down the phone. "How are you? Yeah, yeah I'll probably talk to you later on. As long as you're okay, the glee club are worried sick over you. Yeah, they...they know what happened. Hope you feel better soon, speak to you later. Do you want me to pass you back to Brittany? Okay, see you soon." Quinn hung up the phone and handed it to Brittany, "she said she'll talk to you later, she's going to try and get some sleep."

"That's fine," Brittany said, "She did mention that she was feeling tired."

"When does she get out of hospital?" Rachel asked. She hated to admit it but she actually felt sorry for Santana, she missed her.

"Not sure," Brittany shrugged, "But when she does, she'll be living with me. Mom's already agreed to it and taken Shadow in and I've already told Santana about the arrangement. She's really looking forward to it."

"Great," Quinn smiled.

* * *

"You know, my mom is really looking forward to having you home," Brittany said as she placed Santana's homework books onto her hospital bed. "She said that you can sleep in my room until we get things sorted out. Shadow is already there so

"You know, my mom is really looking forward to having you home," Brittany said as she placed Santana's homework books onto her hospital bed. "She said that you can sleep in my room until we get things sorted out. Shadow is already there so you don't need to worry about him, he's safe."

"Thank you," Santana whispered, "how was school?"

"Not the same without you to be honest," Brittany sighed. "Your teachers made me bring you your homework but I don't blame you if you don't feel like doing it." Brittany caught sight of the tray of roast beef and vegetables on the bedside table. "You haven't eating."

"Not very hungry," she shrugged.

"San, can...can I talk to you about the cutting?" Brittany asked quietly, "Please, I know you did it once but we still need to talk about it. It wasn't a very good or clever thing to do now, was it?" Santana shook her head. "Don't do it again, yeah? Please."

"The doctors want me to get counselling," Santana told her, completely changing the subject. "And I'm being put on medication for my panic attacks, Jane said it might help."

"It will do," Brittany nodded. "And counselling is nothing to be ashamed of; you've been through so much so you...you kind of need it right?"

"Yeah," Santana agreed. "I feel so embarrassed."

"Why?" Brittany asked.

"It's all my fault," she shook her head, tears streaming down her face. "I...I should have done something."

"You couldn't do anything," Brittany reassured her. "And you have nothing to be embarrassed about. You'll get better, you'll be out of here soon, you'll live with me, you'll take your medication and you'll get counselling. You'll get better."

"Will...Will you help me?"

"Of course I will," Brittany smiled and gave her hand a squeeze. "I will always help you San. Just remember, don't give up."


	16. That Kiss

"Santana sweetheart, do you want something to eat?" Linda Pierce asked Santana who was sat at the kitchen table doing homework. Shadow was curled up on the floor, asleep.

"No thank you Mrs Pierce," she thanked her politely.

"Santana, call me Linda," she mentioned. "And you haven't eaten since you came out of hospital, you didn't eat when you were in hospital."

"I'm just not that hungry," Santana shrugged. "Thanks so much for taking me in though M...Linda, it means so much to me."

"No problem, I love having you here." Brittany came thundering down the stairs and raced over, hugging Santana.

"We're going out," Brittany told her friend. "Your homework can wait until later, right?"

"I guess." Santana whispered and closed her book. "Where are we going?"

"Shopping, you need a distraction and I want to hang out with my best friend." Santana nodded as Brittany threw her coat at her.

"Wait," Linda shoved the pot of pills towards Santana. "Remember, the doctor said take two a day." Santana nodded and swallowed a couple of the pills. "Take them with you, just in case." Brittany put them in her bag so Santana wouldn't forget them accidentally on purpose.

"Where do you want to go first?" Brittany asked when they were at the mall. "I'm kind of thirsty, fancy getting a drink and we can then decide on where to go."

"Sure," Santana nodded in agreement. She found a table and sat down whilst Brittany ordered for them and came to join her.

"I got us each a blueberry muffin as well." Brittany said. "I know you haven't been eating but you need to."

"I'll try and eat," Santana promised. "If not I'll give it to your sister."

"Or save it for later," Brittany suggested. "you need to eat Santana."

"I know," Santana went to talk but their milkshakes and muffins soon arrived. "I just...I don't know, I just can't. I need to go on a diet." she shoved the muffin towards Brittany. "Mark said so."

"Now don't you listen to a word he says, you're beautiful," Brittany told her. "And I really mean that." Brittany was going to carry on but Quinn and Rachel walked over, linking arms. "Um...weird much."

"We just thought we would hang out and try and get along," Quinn told them. "Seeing as we will be sharing a room in LA. What are you guys doing here?"

"Just having a drink," Santana told them. "And going to do some shopping."

"Sounds good, how are you doing?" Rachel asked.

"Fine," she nodded. "Living with Brittany now and that's good and I...I'm on medication now which should...should calm me down."

"Oh?" Quinn asked. "That...That's good then, we'll see you both later." They waved goodbye to the two girls before walking off.

"It's really weird," Santana said. "those two, hanging out together."

"Yeah I know what you mean." Brittany slammed the muffin down in front of Santana. "Now eat that please, it will mean so much to me."

"It's just a muffin!"

"Right," Brittany took a notepad and pen out of her bag. "I am going to make you a little wall chart." she said as she began writing. "So if you eat something, whether it's a snack or a full meal then you get a sticker on the chart. If you have a full row of stickers, I'll buy you a present."

"Are you bribing me?" Santana laughed.

"Yes and the same is going to be for cutting, if you go a whole week without cutting yourself, another sticker will be added to your chart."

"Worth a try," Santana shrugged.

"I'll make the chart tonight." Brittany said. "And we will start tomorrow. If you eat something, a sticker will be added and if it gets to the end of the week and you haven't cut then you will get a sticker. One whole row of stickers and you will get a present."

"Sure." Santana giggled.

"And we'll all help you as well because I know that you're stronger than this Santana," Brittany reached across and rubbed Santanas hand. Santana smiled up at her and looked into her eyes. Brittany smiled back and reached across before planting a kiss straight upon Santanas lips.


	17. Butterfly Fly Away

It was Monday and Santana had another day off school. Brittany had gone off whilst Linda stayed at home to look after her. It was late afternoon and Santana came downstairs washed and dressed to see Linda sitting on the couch.

"Linda, can you drive me to the hospital?" she asked quietly.

"Why, what's wrong?" Linda immediately began to panic.

"Nothing, I...I want to visit my dad," she said, "I haven't visited him in ages and he'll be worrying." Linda smiled and nodded, agreeing to drive her.

Santana hated to admit it but she was actually quite scared of visiting her dad. Linda stayed in the waiting room whilst Santana followed Mary down to her father's room. He was awake and smiled from ear to ear when he saw her.

"Hey dad," Santana smiled and sat on his bed, taking his hand, "How are you?"

"I'm fine sweetpea," he smiled.

"I brought my guitar," Santana told him, taking the guitar out of the case. "Haven't worked on much in a while, had stuff going on but I remember some old songs from when I was a kid. Dad, um...Mom...she's dead." Emilio's eyes widened. "And Mark too, it's my fault. Mark, he...he hurt me and I told someone and then he...he killed Mom and himself. I'm living with Brittany now, do you remember that song you used to sing me to help me get to sleep?" he nodded, "I think I can just about remember it." She took a deep breath and slowly began playing her guitar and singing softly.

_You tucked me in, turned out the light  
Kept me safe and sound at night  
Little girls depend on things like that  
Brushed my teeth and combed my hair  
Had to drive me everywhere  
You were always there when I looked back  
You had to do it all alone  
Make a living, make a home  
Must have been as hard as it could be  
And when I couldn't sleep at night  
Scared things wouldn't turn out right  
You would hold my hand and sing to me_

_Caterpillar in the tree  
How you wonder who you'll be  
Can't go far but you can always dream  
Wish you may and wish you might  
Don't you worry, hold on tight  
I promise you there will come a day  
Butterfly fly away_

_Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away  
Flap your wings now you can't stay  
Take those dreams and make them all come true  
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away  
We've been waiting for this day  
All along and knowing just what to do  
Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away_

_Butterfly fly away  
Butterfly fly away_

Santana finished off her song and looked up at her dad, smiling. He smiled back with tears in his eyes and gently gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. He was dying, he knew it and she knew it but they had to stay strong for each other.

"I love you dad," she whispered.

"I love you too," he held his arms out and she placed her guitar down before giving him a hug. "I'll be okay Santana but if anything does happen, I want you to stay strong for me baby girl. Can you do that for me? For me and your mom."

"I can do anything for you dad," she sniffled and hugged him tightly; "I love you so much." The door opened and Linda walked in. "I...I was just coming."

"No take your time," she said, "I just text Brittany to say we weren't home and she's outside in the waiting room." Santana nodded at her and said she'd be there in a minute. Linda nodded at her and left. Santana turned to her father and saw that he looked tired.

"Do you want me to go?" Santana whispered but he shook his head at her. She leaned over and kissed his cheek. Brittany then came in.

"Hey," Brittany smiled and came to stand next to her, "Hey Mr Lopez, how are you doing?"

"Fine thank you Brittany," he said, "Look after her." Brittany nodded and placed an arm round her. "I'll let you head off now Santana, see you soon." Santana nodded and wiped at her eye before kissing him, picking up her guitar and leaving the room with Brittany.

"You doing okay?" Brittany asked her and she faintly nodded, "Come on, let's get you home and we can order some pizza and watch a film. How does that sound?"

"Good," she whispered, "Thank you."


	18. I'm Alive

Santana hated going back to school. She'd barely gotten any sleep for the past couple of nights so Linda sent Brittany off to school and allowed Santana to have a lay in before sending her to school at around twelve o'clock. Everyone was in lunch but she was sat on a pile of bean bags in the Library, leaning back against the window. She held her panic medication in her hands but she hadn't taken any of it. She hoped that no one would find her but Kurt soon came over.

"Don't talk to me," she whispered as he sat down next to her, "I lied to you."

"What do you mean?" Kurt asked her.

"That day in the park when I was taking the morning after pill; I should have just told you the truth, that Mark raped me. I...Instead of making up some useless story about having unprotected sex with some guy."

"I kind of figured that something was going on," Kurt sighed, "You're never usually that upset about sex." Santana flinched at the word, "Sorry, what have you got there?"

"Medication," she told him, "For my panic attacks, I haven't taken it."

"What is it with you and not taking your medication?" he giggled, "Go on, it'll help you." Kurt took a bottle of water from his bag and handed it to her. She thanked him and took the pills with the drink, handing it back. "You keep it; you probably need it more than me."

"Do you ever wish that you could just go back in time?" Santana asked quietly, resting her head against the window. He nodded and did the same, "What would you change, if you could?"

"A lot of stuff," he smiled, "Me being gay, my mom's death..." Santana hung her head, remembering her own mom, "Sorry, I...I didn't think."

"It's fine," she shrugged. "I'd change my whole life, if I ever went back in time."

"What do you mean?"

"Me being raped, my mom's death, everything," Santana mumbled, holding back her tears. He held his arms out and she nodded, leaning into him for a hug. He couldn't help but smile at the fact that she wasn't freaking out in front of him and he just sat hugging her whilst stroking her hair and rubbing her back comfortingly.

"It'll be okay," he soothed.

"You don't know that," Santana whispered, "I feel sick; I want to go home."

"That's just nerves, which you wouldn't have if you'd come out from hiding in the Library and face everyone." Santana shrugged her shoulders.

"I...I'm scared," Santana confessed, "Can you blame me?" he shook his head. "I...I just hate it, I feel like I can't enjoy anything anymore because...because of Mark and I hate it." He stood up and held out his hand to her. "What?"

"We're going to class, come on," Santana hesitated but stood up with her bag, shoving her pot of medication into the pocket. It was Health Class and Brittany was in her seat, waiting for Santana. As soon as she entered with Kurt, Brittany waved her over and she took a seat, remaining silent.

"You okay?" she asked and Santana faintly nodded, getting her book out and opening it up. The teacher soon walked in and shut the door behind him.

"Afternoon class," he greeted them all, "As you all know, we'll be working on our new assignment today. We will be learning about crimes." Santana wasn't amused. "Can anyone name me a crime?" he asked as he wrote on the board.

"Armed robbery," Finn mentioned and he wrote it down.

"Murder," someone else spoke up. This whole time, Santana was bent over her book, pretending to write stuff down when really she was just scribbling in the top corner of the page. Brittany saw her but didn't mention anything. More crimes were said but no one said rape; Santana hoped that no one would.

"Rape,"

"Shit," Santana cursed under her breath. Santana felt like she was going to pass out or worst, have another panic attack. She'd taken her medication but she was still feeling panicky and nervous. Brittany reached across and rubbed at her arm, trying to make sure if she was okay. Santana was about to speak but she just collapsed. Brittany cried out straight away and stood up, rushing to her side along with Quinn and Kurt.

"Give her some air," the teacher yelled to them all as Santana slowly opened her eyes, "Santana, Santana can you hear me?"

"N...No, get away!" Santana cried out and kicked him.

"Get away from her," Quinn told the teacher rudely, "San it's me, Quinn." Santana glanced up at her, "Come on; get up." Quinn gently took her hand and helped her up off the floor. "Take her to the nurse Britt." Brittany nodded and took Santana out the classroom and along to the nurse's office. Mr Schue was unfortunately in there.

"We were just talking about you," he sighed to Santana but then saw the look on her face. "Is everything okay?"

"She just passed out," Brittany informed him, "During Health class."

"You were talking about me?" Santana asked, "Great," she added sarcastically, "Just like everyone else at this stupid school."

"Santana, take a seat," Claire, the school nurse told her and she sat down in the comfy, red chair. "Brittany, get back to class okay?" Brittany faintly nodded and made her way back to class. Santana was trapped. She didn't want Brittany to leave but she knew that there was no way trying to convince Claire and Mr Schue to let her stay. "How are you feeling Santana? First day back at school?" she shrugged. "Listen, Mr Schuester and I were discussing and we were wondering about you maybe having a bit of counselling."

"I don't need counselling," Santana scowled and folded her arms, "I'm fine."

"Santana, don't be silly now," Mr Schue told her and stepped towards her but she tensed up and held a hand up to him. "Alright," he stepped back. "We just thought that it might help and it isn't because you have done anything wrong; it's because you've been through a lot and..."

"We did think about Miss Pillsbury," Claire interrupted as Mr Schue rolled his eyes at her cutting him off. "But then we thought that talking to someone who you know quite well might be quite difficult, we understand that."

"So we have found a nice woman to come in and talk to you two times a week," Mr Schue added.

"You went behind my back?" Santana asked, "I never agreed to it; I've only just found out and you have already found someone! That is so not cool!"

"Santana, calm down," he told her. "Her name is Sarah and she is really nice, you'll really like her." Santana shook her head. "Look, one session with her alright? Then if things don't go well, we can rethink things."

"Is that a promise?" Santana whispered and he nodded. "Alright, I...I'll do one session." She said. "But that's it."


	19. Breathe

It was a Tuesday morning and Santana was sat at a table in the Library, feet propped up on the chair opposite her. She had her head in her hands and was watching the clock hand go round and round. It seemed like she'd been sitting there hours when it had only been five minutes. The door to the Library soon opened and Mr Schue walked in, followed closely by a woman. Santana thought that she'd been wearing a suit but she only wore jeans and a causal t-shirt. She looked nice for a shrink.

"Santana, this is Sarah," Mr Schue introduced as they walked over.

"Hello Santana," Sarah smiled, "I hope you haven't been waiting long."

"Just about the entire morning," Santana sighed and removed her feet from the chair. "What are you dressed like anyway? Aren't you meant to be a councillor, not a toddler?"

"Santana," Mr Schue scolded her and turned to Sarah, "She's a little nervous."

"I ain't nervous!" Santana snapped, "If anyone thinks I'm nervous, then I'm going to go all Lima Heights on your ass!" Sarah laughed as she took a seat in the chair opposite Santana, smiling sweetly at her.

"So, we'll give it an hour," Mr Schue said, "And I'll be back later to see how things went." He mouthed good luck at Sarah before leaving the Library. The Library was usually out of bounds if there were any meetings or sessions going on so Santana didn't have to worry about anyone seeing her with a shrink.

"So Santana, what do you like to do?" Santana gave her a confused look, "You know, hobbies, interests?"

"Drawing," Santana shrugged, "Singing, dancing, playing guitar, cheerleading, being a complete bitch to anyone possible."

"You're quite outgoing then, aren't you?" Sarah laughed, "So, how are you doing this morning?"

"Alright, then I had to come and see you and suddenly I'm not doing too good," she said defensively.

"I'm not that bad to be around," Sarah told her but Santana shook her head, "You didn't want to come because you didn't want to talk, right?" Santana nodded. "I don't blame you Santana, what happened to you must be something that you never want to talk about again yeah?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I...I just don't like talking to people, I've always been the strong one you see? If I'm upset, I...I don't tend to show it. People say I have anger issues but I don't, I just get mad at people sometimes. Everyone does, don't they?"

"Yes," Sarah nodded, "You remind me of myself when I was your age. I too used to get angry and I even had a couple of counselling sessions that really helped me. After my last one, I knew that I wanted to be a councillor and help people like they helped me."

"You used to get angry?"

"I did," she told her. "You said you like drawing?" Sarah asked and took a notepad out of the box that she'd carried in. "If you don't want to talk about it then why don't you draw me what exactly happened to you?" She placed the notepad and a coloured pen in front of Santana. The pen had a small Mickey Mouse head on the end which Santana began flicking and admiring. "I got that pen on my trip to Disneyland last year, do you like it?"

"Yeah," Santana sighed, "Can you not watch me when I draw?" Sarah nodded and allowed Santana to draw. In five minutes, she was done and slowly handed the pad back to Sarah.

"You're a wonderful drawer Santana," she said, "So your mom has this boyfriend who began hitting you and he raped you, twice?" Santana flinched but nodded. "And your dad is in the hospital with cancer? Are you close with him?"

"Very," she whispered.

"Okay and you tell your best friend Brittany who agrees to keep it a secret? Then she...she catches you hurting yourself," Santana tried to hold back her tears, "And your other friend Quinn soon finds out and they take you to hospital. Your mom's boyfriend kills your mom and himself, is that mostly everything?" she nodded, "Can I have a look at your arm Santana?" she refused.

"Santana, many kids who come to me have hurt themselves and you are one of the strongest and bravest people I've worked with," she smiled, "Does anyone else know you've been hurting yourself?"

"No," she whispered, "But I haven't, I did it one time and that was it." Santana sighed and rolled up her sleeve to reveal her scar. "I haven't done it since."

"Alright," she faintly nodded, "Mr Schuester told me that you only agreed to this one session. I think though that we may need to have a few more sessions."

"No, I told Mr Schue that I was only going to do this one session!" Santana yelled, blinking back her tears. "You're just like every other stupid grown up; you just lie to us kids all the flipping time!"

"Santana, I am not lying to you. But you have just confessed to cutting yourself and normally with kids like that, I arrange more sessions with them. You may not do it anymore but that isn't the point." Santana sat back down in her chair and folded her arms across her chest. "Come on, seeing me really isn't that bad is it?"

"Better than being in class I guess," Santana mumbled. The door opened and Mr Schue walked in. "Is the hour up already?"

"Well, that went fast," Sarah said, glancing at her watch.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"Fine," Santana said, standing up.

"It...It did?" he asked in shock. "Great."

"Yeah," she shrugged, "I don't know why you were so worked up about me seeing this woman in the first place." Mr Schue's eyes widened. "She's just a woman, not like she's going to kill me. I'm seeing her again this week?"

"How did you do it?" he asked Sarah whilst chuckling.

"How does Friday afternoon sound?" Sarah asked, "Every week, Tuesday morning and Friday afternoon?" Santana nodded, "Okay Santana, I will see you this Friday. Behave."

"Will do," Santana told her, "Can I go now?" Mr Schue nodded and allowed her to leave. She picked up her bag and left the Library to go to her next class.

"She's a great kid," Sarah told the teacher as he sat down next to her. "A little defensive but she just needs someone to talk to, I'm sure she'll be fine in a couple of weeks time."

"Sarah, we're planning a trip to LA soon for two weeks and Santana will be coming. Would you like to come along and help chaperone?"

"Sure," she nodded, "I'll see what I can do."


	20. On My Way

"I cannot believe we're going to LA!" Mercedes screamed as the group of them stood outside school, next to the bus. Everyone was excited for the trip to LA and none of them could actually keep still. Miss Pillsbury stood watching them with a smile on her face.

"Okay guys," Mr Schue came out but Brittany put her hand up. "Brittany, have you forgotten something?"

"No, um...Santana isn't here yet." Mr Schue sighed as Sarah came out, shrugging her shoulders. She'd gone looking for Santana but there was no sign of her, "I could go and look for her, I...I think I know where she might be." The teacher nodded and allowed Brittany to go back into school to look for Santana whilst everyone else hopped on the bus.

"Mr Schue, we're going to miss our flight." Artie said, "If they don't hurry up soon."

"Guys, I made sure that we leave for the airport on time so we will get there don't worry." None of them were sure.

Meanwhile, Brittany was running through school at full speed towards the bathroom at the very end of the corridor. She may not be the brightest but she knew that they would miss their flight if they didn't leave soon. They couldn't leave without Santana though.

"San, I know you're in here," Brittany called as she walked in. She didn't need to look; Santana was sat at on the floor huddled up against the wall with her bag. "San, come on. The bus needs to leave for the airport, what are you playing at?"

"I'm not going," she whispered.

"Why?" Brittany asked, "Come on San, you have to come. LA won't be fun without my best friend there with me." Brittany sat down in front of Santana, "What's wrong?"

"I...I can't fly,"

"No one can fly San," Brittany giggled, "We're people; the only person who can fly is Peter Pan."

"No...I...I'll get panicky," Santana admitted, "I...I can't go on a plane."

"Well, haven't you taken your medication?" Santana nodded, "You'll be fine then; I'll tell Mr Schue to keep an eye on you and you can sit with me and Quinn on the plane. You'll be fine, we'll have a laugh." Santana hesitated but faintly nodded and had Brittany help her up. "Come on, get your bag." Santana picked her bag up and followed Brittany out. Mr Schue was standing by the bus. Santana climbed onto the bus whilst Brittany informed Mr Schue about her nerves.

"Nice going Santana," Puck said, "We've probably missed our flight by now."

"Puck, leave her alone," Quinn scowled at her and reached across to rub Santana's shoulder. She shoved her away though. Brittany soon came on and took her seat beside Santana. Mr Schue took a seat at the front and they were off.

"I have Lucky Charms," Brittany smiled as she held up the box of cereal to Santana.

"You brought cereal?" Tina asked her and she nodded.

"Tina," Quinn handed her a bag of candy.

"That's more like it," she smiled, "Anyone want some?"

"No thanks," Rachel said, "Candy is bad for your teeth and I wouldn't be seen dead eating any of it, it'll ruin my vocal chords." The others didn't listen and just tucked into the bag of candy as they drove to the airport.

Santana was able to sit next to Quinn and Brittany on the plane. Mr Schue made sure that he, Miss Pillsbury and Sarah sat behind in case anything happened but they kept their distance from the girls and allowed them to talk amongst each other.

"I have chips," Quinn said tossing a bag towards Santana and Brittany. Santana was sat on the aisle seat in case she did begin having a panic attack; Brittany was in the middle and Quinn sat by the window. "You okay San?" Santana nodded as the announcement about the plane taking off in five minutes was heard. "Just don't think about it, hold Brittany's hand if you need to." Santana nodded and closed her eyes, Brittany reaching to squeeze her hand. The plane soon took off and although Santana felt her stomach churn, she didn't seem panicky.

The flight went off without a hitch. Brittany and Quinn kept Santana distracted the entire way there and it took her mind off everything.

"Okay guys," Mr Schue said as they made their way into the lobby of their hotel. "Each pair has been assigned a room and you each have a room key so don't lose it or you will be locked out."

"I'll look after our key then," Santana sighed taking the key from Mr Schue, "You know what Brittany's like. Come on Britt, let's find our room." Santana grabbed Brittany's hand and led her off, Quinn and Rachel following.

"I am so excited to be here!" Rachel squealed. "I think our rooms this way Quinn, come on."

"I told you the plane wouldn't be that bad," Brittany said as they found their room. Santana unlocked the door and they walked inside. "Wow; this is like amazing and look at the view! It's right opposite the beach! What bed do you want?"

"The one nearest the door," Santana told her, "Just in case." Brittany nodded, "I'm going to freshen up in the bathroom." Santana headed into their bathroom and locked the door behind her. Brittany went over to her bag and unzipped it, beginning to unpack. She'd brought a photo of Lord Tubbington and her stuffed duck that she couldn't sleep without. She then realised that she'd forgotten something.

"Hey San!" Brittany called through, "I forgot to bring sun cream with me! Can I borrow yours?"

"Yeah, it's somewhere in my bag," Santana called back, "Help yourself." Brittany leaned across to pick Santana's bag up and rummaged through it for the sun cream. She found it but something else caught her eye. At the very bottom of her bag next to her medication was a razor. Brittany slowly picked it up and bit her lip nervously. Santana wasn't really thinking of cutting herself whilst on vacation, was she? Just to be on the safe side, Brittany shoved the razor into the pocket of her jeans for safe hiding. That way, Santana couldn't do anything.


	21. Happy

"No, no, no, get off me please! Go away!" Brittany woke up and looked across at Santana's bed. The Latina was thrashing around screaming loudly, tears streaming down her face. Brittany climbed out and raced over to her friend. "San, San talk to me!" Brittany begged but then remembered that the doctor had said about Santana trying to wake up on her own. She was scaring Brittany though. Brittany caught sight of her cell phone and quickly grabbed it, dialling Quinn's number.

"What?" Quinn yawned from the end, "George Clooney."

"No Quinn, it's me," Brittany panicked, "Sorry to wake you."

"Sorry to wake me? Brittany, it is two in the fricking morning. What is so important?"

"Can you come to our room please? Santana's having a nightmare and I'm scared, the doctor said she needs to wake up on her own but she's scaring me," Brittany could hear Quinn moving around, "Quinn."

"Yeah, I'll be there soon. Hang on." Quinn managed a small nod and hung up the phone. She sat on the end of Santana's bed, watching as Santana continued to scream. There was soon a knock at the door and Brittany leapt across the room to answer it. "Hey," Quinn whispered as she walked in, dressed in her pyjamas with a nightgown and slippers. "How long has she been like that?"

"About half an hour," Brittany said, close to tears.

"Ssshh, it'll be okay," Quinn soothed and rubbed her shoulder. Brittany just started crying. Quinn sat on the edge of the bed and Santana soon snapped out of it. Her hair was soaked in sweat and the bed was completely sodden. Santana just burst into tears. "Oh honey, come here." Quinn hugged her but soon realised what she was crying about. "Come on, let's go and get you cleaned up." Quinn just helped Santana out of the wet bed and took her into the bathroom, pushing past Brittany on the way. Santana sat down on the closed toilet seat, still crying. "Cheer up, I hate seeing you so upset."

"I...I can't fucking sleep," Santana sobbed, "Do...do you think Brittany realised I wet the bed?"

"Don't be embarrassed over that, you had a nightmare. It happens, do you have any spare pyjamas with you?" she nodded, "Are they in your bag?" she nodded again. "Okay be right back," Quinn left the bathroom. Brittany was sitting up in her own bed and she smiled when Quinn walked out. "Where's San's bag?" Brittany gestured over towards the door and Quinn went over and began rooting through it. She soon found Santana's other pyjamas and took them back into the bathroom for her. "We're going to have to wash your sheets."

"We can't tonight," she whispered.

"There might be some spare sheets in the wardrobe, sometimes room service leaves them. Change out of your pyjamas and put these ones on and we'll have a look." Quinn turned around as Santana changed; she still felt uncomfortable changing in front of people. They went back out to the room and saw Brittany was fast asleep but they managed to find some spare sheets. "Are you okay going back to bed?" Quinn asked after she'd made Santana's bed for her.

"Yeah," Santana nodded, "I'm fine."

"I'll keep my cell phone so ring me if you need to yeah? I'm sure Brittany won't mind if you wake her up at any point either."

"I'll be okay," Santana reassured her as Quinn kissed her forehead. "Quinn, d...don't tell anyone will you? About me wetting the bed, especially Rachel?"

"I won't tell anyone Santana, don't worry about it." Santana smiled as she climbed into her bed. She waited until Quinn had gone before reaching down for her bag and taking out her stuffed teddy bear to cuddle up to. She looked across at Brittany and saw that she was cuddling her duck whilst sucking happily on her thumb. Santana thought that she looked adorable. She got out of her own bed with her bear and went to climb in beside Brittany.

"S...San," Brittany managed as she opened her eyes.

"Go back to sleep," Santana whispered, wrapping an arm round her waist.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine now."

"Alright, night San," Brittany smiled as she closed her eyes again.

"Night Britt," Santana sighed and fell asleep beside her friend.


	22. Already Gone

"How bad is it?" Mr Schue asked as he rushed into Santana and Brittany's room. Santana was sitting up in bed with a wet cloth across her forehead, Brittany and Sarah either side of her. The rest of the group and Miss Pillsbury crowded round.

"Well, she doesn't have a fever," Sarah sighed as she stopped taking Santana's temperature. "But she keeps coughing and complaining that she feels really sick."

"I think she should be on bed rest, just in case," Mr Schue told her, "The rest of you downstairs. Sarah, do you mind staying and looking after her?" Sarah shook her head and Brittany raised a hand, "Brittany?"

"Can I stay too?" she asked, "Please." Mr Schue seemed unsure but nodded at her. He got everyone out the room and he and Miss Pillsbury followed.

"I'll be right back," Sarah said, "I'll just go and get you a drink and put the thermometer away." Santana nodded as Sarah walked out.

"You're not sick," Brittany said, turning towards Santana. "You're faking it."

"Yeah," Santana faintly nodded, "But only because I...I hardly slept last night and I feel really tired and I...Mr Schue said that we were sightseeing today and LA is really crowded and I'm scared that I'll have a panic attack out there."

"You might not," Brittany shrugged, "But we came to LA to have fun. You don't want to spend the whole of it cooped up in your room pretending to be sick." Santana nodded, "You need to get out San." Santana knew that Brittany was wrong. "It isn't too late to change your mind." Sarah then walked back in.

"Sarah," Santana whispered as she removed the cloth and sat upright, "I...I want to go sightseeing with the others."

"But Santana..."

"I'm not sick," Santana said, "I may look it but I faked it, I...I want to go sightseeing though with everyone else."

"Why did you fake it?" Sarah asked and sat down on the edge of the bed. Santana shrugged her shoulders, not wanting to tell her the real reason. "Well, it may be too late to catch up to the others but how about the three of us do a little bit of sightseeing ourselves?" Brittany and Santana both nodded, "Okay, get ready and meet me downstairs by the entrance of the hotel." She ruffled Santana's hair and left to go downstairs. Santana jumped out of bed and began rummaging through her bag. It was only then when she realised that the razor was missing.

"Hey Britt," Santana called to her before she could go into the bathroom, "Have you been in my bag?"

"No," Brittany shook her head, "Why?"

"No reason," Santana said and just picked out the clothes that she was going to wear. They'd decided not to wear their Cheerio's uniform, not on a school trip to LA. She chose her comfiest and nicest looking outfit and gave her hair a brush before taking her medication.

"Ready to go?" Brittany asked as she came out of the bathroom. Santana nodded. "This is going to be so good!" She saw Santana's worried look. "Hey," Brittany tapped her on the nose. "Don't panic, alright? Sarah and I are with you." Sarah was downstairs waiting for them, "Okay, we're ready."

"Where exactly are we going?" Santana asked.

"Wherever you girls like," Sarah said, "I think the rest headed towards the Santa Monica beach if you'd like to try and keep up with them." Brittany nodded; her hand in Santana's. "Come on then, this way." The whole of LA was crowded but Santana stayed close to Brittany, holding her hand and seeming completely okay. Sarah was right, the rest of them were all on the beach.

"Hey guys, wait for us!" Santana screamed as she and Brittany raced towards Quinn, Mercedes and Rachel. Santana leapt on Quinn and wrapped her arms round her neck and then even gave Rachel a hug before high fiving Mercedes.

"Santana was faking it," Sarah shrugged to Mr Schue, "She wasn't sick at all. I still don't know why but she...she wanted to come out."

"I kind of guessed that she was faking," he said, "No fever, no actual vomiting and when I told her she was on bed rest I was sure that I saw her smile. I don't know why she'd fake it though."

"I think she was scared about having a panic attack," Sarah said, "Because LA is pretty busy and crowded." The two looked over and saw Brittany lying on the sand and Santana helping her up. Brittany grabbed her hand and pulled her down onto the sand with her, causing them both to laugh.

"Sand fight!" Brittany giggled and sprinkled some sand down Santana's bra, causing her to squeal.

"How about a swim?" Finn asked. Luckily, everyone wore their swimsuits under their clothes just in case they did go to the beach at some point, "Come on; the water looks great."

"Um...I...I don't have my swim suit on," Santana told him, "I'll just stay here."

"You do it have on, I saw you change into it," Brittany pointed out. Santana bit her lip, "Sorry, was I not meant to say anything?"

"I...I'm not going swimming, not with...not with you," she told Finn, "Not with any of the guys." Finn sighed and stepped back as Brittany rubbed at her shoulder. "I'm not going swimming."

"You can just swim with me," Brittany offered.

"I can't swim," Santana told her. "Besides, I...I'm still covered in bruises. I don't want to swim with the guys,"

"Well, you don't have to swim," Brittany said, "Just paddle and the bruises don't matter, no one is going to judge you and the guys aren't going to hurt you. Come on." Finn stepped back as Brittany helped Santana get her shirt and pants off so she was just in her swim suit. Brittany then undressed as well. Finn looked and saw large bruises up and down Santana's legs but he didn't say anything. "Take it easy," Brittany told her and gave her hand a gentle squeeze as she helped her down the sand to the sea.

"God; that is fricking freezing!" Santana screamed. "Right, I've been in the water so I'm going to go back now."

"No, give it a try," Brittany grabbed her hand but pulled her too hard. Santana fell face down straight into the water, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry." Brittany apologised, trying not to laugh. "Are you okay?" Santana spat out sand before she could answer, "I'm so sorry."

"Yeah because that wasn't embarrassing," Santana said as Brittany helped her up, "Thank you. Can I please go back up now? My chest feels really tight."

"Why? The beach isn't that crowded," Brittany said.

"Please!" Santana begged, rubbing at her chest. Brittany nodded and Santana headed back up the beach. Brittany swam with Quinn and Rachel for a bit before going up the beach to talk to Santana. She was sitting on the sand with Kurt knelt by her side. Santana had already changed back into her clothes.

"Thanks for keeping her company Kurt," Brittany smiled and took a seat beside her friend. "You can go and swim if you like."

"Nah, I hate swimming," Kurt complained. "It just gets you all wet and dirty and it's unnecessary really." Santana couldn't help but laugh. "I'll sit with you guys."

"Have you still got my sun cream in your bag?" Santana asked Brittany who nodded and chucked it over to her. Just as Santana was unzipping it, Brittany remembered the razor. She was going to grab her bag back but Santana had already taken it out and was examining it. "You did go in my bag?"

"It was only when I asked you for sun cream," Brittany said. "And I promise, I only took it because I care about you. I didn't want you to hurt yourself whilst we were in LA."

"What are you talking about?" Kurt asked and shrugged his shoulders.

"It's so humiliating!" Santana screamed as she stood up with the razor in her hand and ran off up the beach in tears. "Nobody understands me!" Santana collapsed to the sand and dug a hole, chucking the razor inside and burying it. Brittany soon came over, "Leave me alone, please!"

"I found it by accident," Brittany said, sitting in front of her and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, "Why bring it with you anyway?" Santana shrugged. "I took it off you because I thought that you might cut yourself again."

"Kurt now knows," Santana sighed.

"Yeah and he's agreed not to tell anyone. Not Mr Schue, not Sarah, not Miss Pillsbury, not anyone! I made him promise," Santana thanked her quietly, "Where's the razor?" Brittany held out a hand.

"Gone," Santana sighed as she stood up and brushed herself down. "I buried it in the sand; you don't need to worry anymore Brittany." She smiled and crossed her arms. "It's gone now."


	23. Memory

They went out to dinner at a restaurant called Cafe La Boheme that evening. Santana sat between Brittany and Quinn but she didn't seem to be joining in. She just sat there on her phone until it came to ordering.

"What are you having San?" Quinn asked her.

"Can I just have a drink?" Santana whispered, "Please."

"You're not having anything to eat?" Finn asked as he looked over the menu. Santana shook her head, "You're going to starve San and this looks like a really nice place." Santana just shrugged her shoulders. "Suit yourself."

"If she doesn't want anything to eat then she doesn't have to have anything," Mr Schue told him. They ordered their first course first and Santana just sat and sipped at her drink. Brittany offered her a bit of her steak.

"Thanks," Santana said as she took a bit, "That's nice." Brittany nodded and smiled as she got back to eating. "I'm going to go to the bathroom," Santana mentioned as she stood up from the table and headed off to the bathroom.

"Do you want some steak Rachel?" Brittany offered as Rachel gave her a look, "What?"

"I'm a vegan," she pointed out to her.

"I thought you were a vegetarian," Brittany said blankly.

"Yeah, vegetarians don't eat meat either Britt," Quinn laughed at her friend. Santana soon came back later. Santana soon came back over and took her seat beside Brittany. "You okay?" Quinn asked and she nodded. "You need to try and eat something San; we could just get you a plate of fries if you like." Santana shook her head. "You're going to be really hungry later on though."

"I'm not hungry," Santana snapped.

"I think I need to go and wash my hands," Brittany sighed as she stood up, "San, you can come with me and keep me company." She grabbed Santana's arm and pulled her up with her but Santana pulled her arm away, "What?"

"I've just been to the bathroom; I'm not going again," Brittany ignored her and shoved her towards the bathroom. Once inside, Brittany took her into the disabled cubicle and locked the door. It was the biggest one for them both to fit into.

"What's wrong?" Brittany asked and sat herself down on the closed toilet seat, "You're not eating." Santana shrugged her shoulders, "Talk to me Santana; you can talk to me about anything and you know that."

"Because..." Santana sighed and decided to come straight out with it. "I'm fed up, I threw the razor away and I just need something other than cutting to make me feel good about myself. Starving myself is all I could think of." Santana hung her head and Brittany was silent. "I...I brought these," Santana took out a pot of Laxatives from her pocket. "I carry them everywhere with me just in case and when I had that bit of steak, I felt horrible. I went to the bathroom and I took them, I just want to feel good about myself again."

"How many of those things did you take?" Brittany asked quietly.

"Four," Santana whispered.

"San, none of this is going to help," Brittany told her friend, getting up and placing both hands on her shoulders. "Hey honey, I like you just the way you are. You are beautiful, do you understand me?" Santana nodded, "You know that kiss we had once?" Santana nodded again and a smile spread across her face, "I don't regret that one bit, it was lovely. You're lovely. I want to date you; I want you to be my girlfriend."

"Do you really mean that?" Brittany nodded and kissed her cheek. "I'm still scared."

"Do you want to see if we can go outside for a bit?" Brittany asked, "Just for some fresh air?" Santana nodded, "Come on then." Brittany led her out and back to the table. Santana hovered by the door whilst Brittany talked to Mr Schue. He seemed hesitant but said they could go out only if they remained near the restaurant. Brittany agreed and took her outside. "You okay?" she asked Santana once they were out. It was getting pretty dark.

"I guess," she shrugged. Their path was suddenly blocked by a tall man. "What do you want?"

"Give me your money," he threatened them. Brittany looked back with a worried look, not realising how far from the restaurant they'd suddenly gone. She actually couldn't see the place anymore.

"We...We don't have any," Santana told him.

"As if," the man stepped forwards and Santana let out a loud scream, collapsing to the ground in tears. "What? Are you scared little girls?"

"No, no, no!" Santana screamed, clutching her chest, "get him off please! He's hurting me!"

"San, he...he isn't touching you," Brittany comforted the Latina.

"I will if she doesn't shut up screaming!" the man yelled. Brittany would usually be scared in this situation but after what Santana had been through, she knew that she was more scared and that she needed to try and defend her so she tried punching the man. Someone grabbed hold of Brittany's arm though and she was shoved aside as Mr Schue stepped in front of her.

"Get away from them," he ordered, "Now." The man just shook his head as he headed back down the street. Sarah was knelt at Santana's side, rubbing her arm and trying to calm her down.

"One, two, three, four, five, six," Santana began counting, "Seven, eight..."

"What's she doing?" Finn asked but no one answered him as Santana finished her counting.

"I told you both to stay outside the restaurant," Mr Schue said, "Because it's getting dark and I wanted to keep an eye on you." Brittany nodded apologetically at him. "Come on; let's go back to the hotel." Santana had begun crying and Sarah helped her up and placed an arm round her. Once back at the hotel, Sarah headed back to Santana and Brittany's room with them.

"I am so sorry," Brittany apologised to Santana. "I...I didn't mean for that to happen."

"It wasn't your fault Brittany," Sarah said and turned to Santana, "Will you be okay?" The Latina faintly nodded but she was still shaking. "I need to go and have a quick chat with Mr Schuester, look after her Brittany." Brittany agreed to as Sarah left.

"That was so scary," Santana whispered as she flopped down onto the bed, "It...It just brought back memories, I...I saw Mark and I..."

"Ssshh," Brittany rubbed small circles up and down her back and allowed her to rest her head on her shoulder. "You're sleeping with me in my bed tonight," she soothed. "I'm not having you sleep on your own, not after that. You're sleeping with me."

* * *

"I feel so sorry for Santana," Rachel said as she and Quinn entered their room. "That must have brought back some really bad memories for her." Quinn nodded in agreement and ran a hand through her mass of blonde hair. "Are you okay? You seem really quiet."

"Yeah," Quinn nodded, "I'm fine."

"Hey," Rachel sat them both down on her bed, "I...I'm actually really glad that we're sharing a room together."

"So am I," Quinn smiled. Rachel took a deep breath and leaned in to give Quinn a hug before moving her lips towards Quinn's cheek. Quinn let out a small gasp as Rachel continued to kiss her, moving round slowly to her lips.


	24. Dance Dance

The entire Glee Club were sitting in the lounge of the hotel. Mike was in the middle of showing Finn how to dance; Rachel, Quinn, Mercedes and Tina were all crowded round to read some girl's magazine whilst everyone else was just talking. Santana and Brittany were sat on the couch, giggling and talking to each other.

"Guys," Mr Schue clapped his hands together as he walked in, "Rehearsal time!" Sarah and Miss Pillsbury walked over, Sarah taking a seat beside Santana and rubbing her shoulder. Santana faintly nodded at her. "I want all girls to stand at the front in a line. Rachel, you go in the middle." Everyone else sat in the hotel had stopped what they were doing to watch. It wasn't every day a glee club began rehearsals in the hotel lounge of LA. "Don't worry about the people watching."

"I'm not worried Mr Schuester," Rachel smiled as she took her place. Quinn came and stood next to her, shooting her a subtle smile as the rest of the girls joined the line.

"Boys, stand at the back in between the girls so Finn, stand between Rachel and Quinn at the back." Finn nodded and did as he was told. "Santana," Mr Schue came over to where Santana sat as the rest of the boys took their place. "Aren't you joining in?" he asked, sitting on her other side.

"I can't do it," she whispered and shrugged her shoulders, "I'm a crap dancer, I can't sing for toffee."

"That's not true," she just shrugged and sighed deeply.

"San, come on," Brittany encouraged, turning round to look over, "You have to join in; you can stand next to me. You're an amazing dancer and singer."

"Otherwise, you wouldn't have made the club," Mr Schue added but Santana still shook her head, "Do you want to sit out?" she nodded, "Alright, you sit with Sarah." He got up and went back over to the others.

"Fancy a walk?" Sarah asked Santana.

"Sure," Santana whispered and stood up. Sarah whispered something to Mr Schue before taking Santana out of the lounge. She took her outside for some fresh air and straight away, Santana just sat down on the steps of the entrance.

"What's wrong?"

"I just feel useless," Santana mumbled as Sarah sat down next to her. "Just don't feel like I...I'm good at anything."

"You're not useless," she comforted, "You should join in with them all, you love Glee Club don't you?" she nodded, "Then go and join in, it doesn't matter if you mess up at all." The door opened and Rachel raced out. "Hey Rachel."

"What are you doing here?" Santana asked Rachel as the brunette took a seat on the stairs next to her, "You hate me, I hate you; we hate each other."

"Mr Schue sent me," Rachel rolled her eyes, "I don't know why because Sarah is out here with you, you don't need me checking on you. I'll go now," Rachel stood up and went to go back inside but Santana grabbed her arm. "What?"

"Stay," Santana whispered. Rachel nodded and sat back down beside her. "Thanks, how were rehearsals going?"

"Alright," Rachel shrugged, "Finn tripped over his own feet and fell on me though."

"Sounds like Finn," Santana laughed. "You can go back in now Sarah," Santana told her, "I'm fine here with Rachel." Sarah nodded and patted her on the shoulder before going back inside. Rachel waited until she'd gone and turned to Santana.

"How are things going with Sarah?" Rachel asked her.

"Fine," Santana said quietly, "I guess. I've only had a few sessions with her so far. She's nice and all but I...I feel kinda stupid, getting counselling I mean."

"It isn't your fault," Rachel said, "Lots of people get it; I had it once when I was being bullied. I had a few sessions with Miss Pillsbury." Santana glanced towards her, "You're really talented you know? You should join in with us; it isn't the same without you."

"I'll mess up," she said, "I know I will."

"Who cares?" Rachel shrugged, "Even I mess up at times, come on." Rachel reached out to take her hand. "I'll teach you the choreography."


	25. I Got You

Santana slowly climbed into Brittany and rested her head against her back. Brittany felt her touch and let out a small groan as she rolled over onto her back. Santana immediately shot upright from her sudden movement.

"San, you okay?" Brittany whispered, soon realising that her girlfriend was lying next to her. "It's two thirty in the morning, did you have another nightmare?" Santana hugged her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms protectively round them. Brittany sighed and walked over to Santana's bed, soon noticing the wet patch in the middle of the sheets. "Sweetie," before she could continue, Santana got up and raced into the bathroom, locking the door. Brittany remembered that Quinn had sorted Santana out before the last time it happened so quickly gave her cell a ring.

"Brittany," Quinn yawned from the other end, "Did San have another nightmare?"

"She wet the bed again," Brittany whispered, "She won't come out of the bathroom, are you..."

"I'll be right there," Quinn yawned.

She came over in literally two minutes. Santana was still in the bathroom by the time she arrived.

"I'm sorry about this," Brittany apologised, knowing that Quinn was fed up with coming into their room almost every night. "She's still in the bathroom."

"It's fine," Quinn walked over and knocked on the bathroom door "San! San it's me, let me in!"

"Go away!" Santana called through. She sounded like she'd been crying.

"No, Brittany told me what happened. You okay?" No answer, "Come on San; don't be upset, it's nothing to be ashamed of. We've all done it, I have."

"Yeah, when you were five," Santana sobbed, "Go away."

"You get nightmares; it's completely natural to..." Quinn didn't want to embarrass Santana anymore, "You know, I brought the spare sheets from mine and Rachel's room so we can change your bed and get you cleaned up. I think we'll need to tell someone though, yeah? We can't keep doing this every night."

"You promised you wouldn't tell anyone!" Santana yelled through the door.

"Yeah that was the first time, if it happens constantly then we might have to tell someone," Quinn knocked on the door again, "Come on, get out here and we'll change your bed."

"Do you have any spare pyjamas?" Santana whispered.

"I think I might," Brittany said and rushed to her bag. She soon found a spare pair of duck pyjamas at the bottom, "Mom made me bring them just in case." Quinn thanked her and knocked on the door again. Santana opened it this time and Quinn handed the pyjamas over to her. "Don't cry San."

"I'm not," Santana mumbled and slammed the bathroom door shut again.

"Leave her alone for now," Quinn whispered to Brittany and headed over to change Santana's bed.

"Quinn, are...are there any razors or pills or things in the bathroom?"

"I don't know," Quinn shrugged her shoulders and looked confused. Of course, she didn't know about the many ways Santana tried to kill herself. She didn't know about the cutting or the Laxatives. "There might be razors for like shaving, why?"

"No reason," Brittany whispered, "Are you changed yet San?" She called through.

"No," Santana called back. Brittany immediately began panicking as she watched Quinn change Santana's bed; she hated leaving Santana alone now. Santana soon came back out though and Quinn had to laugh at the look of her wearing the duck pyjamas. "I look like a complete dweeb."

"I think you look cute," Brittany smiled and wrapped her arms round Santana's waist, sitting her on her lap. "Quinn's changed your bed for you. Thank her because she's probably tired after I woke her up early in the morning."

"Thanks Quinn," Santana smiled, "Brittany didn't need to call you."

"It's fine," Quinn reassured her, "I...I don't mind, honestly but I should get back before Rachel wakes up and notices that I'm gone."

"That's fine," Brittany nodded, "Night Quinn." Quinn waved to them as she left the room. She took a deep breath and headed back to her own to see Rachel sitting up in bed waiting for her.

"Alright," Quinn sighed and shut the door behind her, "Let's get back to kissing."


	26. Fighter

"It was really hard to get to sleep last night," Finn said as he entered the dining hall and grabbed a breakfast tray. Brittany and Santana both shot him a glance as he smiled at them, "Kurt and I could hear Santana's screaming from our room, that is how loud it was." Santana sighed as she sat down at the table with Brittany for breakfast.

"Leave her alone," Quinn said, coming to join them with Rachel close behind. "She's fine now, aren't you San?" Santana faintly nodded.

"You'd have nightmares and wet the bed after what happened to you," Rachel said without thinking and everyone turned to look at her. Santana left her breakfast and got up, racing out of the dining hall and back upstairs to her and Brittany's room.

"Oh well done," Brittany said sarcastically and ran after her girlfriend.

"She wet the bed?" Mercedes asked.

"Guys, stop it," Quinn scolded them all and turned to Rachel, "Can I not trust you with anything? You need to learn to keep your big mouth shut Rachel!" She turned back to the others, "I am not telling you anything. It's San's business and can't you see how upset she is over it?" They all went silent.

"Shouldn't you go and check on her?" Tina suggested but Quinn shook her head.

"Let Brittany deal with her, I doubt she wants everyone going up there."

"Sorry Quinn," Rachel whispered, "I didn't mean to." Quinn just shrugged her shoulders at the brunette. In a situation like this, Rachel probably would have kissed her to make her forgive her but no one yet knew about their relationship.

"Okay, what did you say to Santana?" Mr Schue asked as he, Sarah and Miss Pillsbury made their way over.

"It was actually me Mr Schuester," Rachel confessed, "I kind of told the guys something about Santana that upset and embarrassed her and she ran out; is she okay?"

"She's fine," Sarah nodded, "She's in her room and Brittany's looking after her, she's just a bit upset."

"Care to explain what you said?" Mr Schue asked.

"It's sort of personal Mr Schue," Quinn interrupted, "No offense but I wouldn't feel comfortable telling you unless Santana was okay with it." He nodded thankfully at her. "On second thoughts, I...I am going to go and check on San." Quinn got up, completely blanking Rachel before making her way upstairs to Santana and Brittany's dormitory. She could hear them talking inside so stayed where she was before going in.

"It's really nothing to be ashamed of," Brittany was whispering, "You've been through so much, it's natural."

"I just can't believe that Quinn would tell Berry I was wetting the bed," Santana sobbed, "She promised that she wouldn't tell anyone unless it happened again and I thought she meant someone like Mr Schue or Sarah or Miss Pillsbury, not Rachel bloody Berry."

"Quinn just cares about you, you know that and so do I," Brittany comforted and Quinn felt tears in her eyes. "I love you." She knew that there had been something going on between Santana and Brittany but she hadn't been quite sure. "It doesn't matter that you have nightmares and panic attacks and it doesn't matter that you wet the bed. You only do that when you get a nightmare and they will soon go away, I promise you. You can sleep with Ducky tonight, it always makes me feel better when I sleep with one of my stuffed animals and Ducky is great comfort. Or you can sleep in my bed with me, I've realised that you don't tend to have nightmares that much if you're with me."

"I feel so stupid," Santana cried. Quinn sighed deeply and leant back against the door of their room, shutting her eyes. "I...I get panic attacks with anything and when Finn said he heard me screaming last night I...I felt so embarrassed."

"They understand," Brittany soothed, "They're your friends."

"Sure they are," Santana scoffed. Quinn then heard Santana laughing so guessed that Brittany had done something to cheer her up. She then decided to knock on the door. It opened and Brittany stood there. "What's she doing here?"

"I came to see if you were okay," Quinn pushed past Brittany and walked over, "I'm sorry okay? I shouldn't have told Rachel but I got back to the room and she...she was awake and wondering where I'd gone."

"And you couldn't have just said I had a nightmare?" Santana snapped, "You had to say that I wet the bed! Rachel is the biggest blabber mouth in the whole school!"

"I know and I'm sorry," Quinn sat down next to her, "Brittany said she loved you." Santana's eyes widened as she scoffed, "I was kind of standing outside for a bit."

"How much did you hear?"

"Not a lot," Quinn shook her head, "You guys are dating then, huh?" Santana faintly nodded, "Sweetie, come here," Quinn hugged her. "Don't feel bad, if it helps I never told Mr Schue or any of the teachers. I said that you wouldn't be comfortable with it."

"Thanks, that...that really means a lot to me Quinn," Santana said sarcastically, "Even though the entire glee club know, that...that makes me feel loads better."

"Don't be sarcastic," Quinn snapped, "I said I was sorry, what more do you want me to do?" Santana was silent.

"Quinn, just leave it," Brittany whispered, "I'll stay with her." Quinn hesitated but sighed deeply and stood up to leave the room. Brittany took Quinn's place on the bed and wrapped her arms round Santana comfortingly.


	27. Never Forget

"Emma, I need to talk to you," Mr Schue sighed as he walked into her office and shut the door behind her. Miss Pillsbury looked up at him with a worried look on her face. "Santana had like nightmares almost every night in LA and I truly thought that being in a different place would take her mind off everything and maybe...I just think we...we should think about getting her admitted to hospital where she can be properly treated and helped by doctors who have had patients like that before."

"I've been thinking about that too Will," Miss Pillsbury nodded, "But you know she won't agree to it."

"I don't care, she hasn't done anything wrong but it might really help her," he placed a leaflet down in front of her, "It's in New York but it's meant to be a really good place. It's called NYC Mental Institute and it's the best I could find."

"It could be really good for her," she nodded as she picked up the leaflet. "What class does she have?"

"Math," he told her, "Do you want me to go and collect her?" Miss Pillsbury nodded thankfully and smiled as he left. He ran a hand down his face and sighed deeply as he made his way towards the math classroom. Inside, he noticed Santana sitting beside Quinn talking and doing work. "Hey, am I able to borrow Santana?" he asked the teacher.

"Certainly," he said and called over, "Santana, you may go with Mr Schuester"

"Bring your stuff," he told her. She nodded and packed away her things before following him out of the classroom. "How are you doing?"

"Alright," Santana shrugged, "Kind of depressing that we're back at school after two weeks in LA though, I miss it."

"Yeah so do I," he nodded and opened the door to Miss Pillsbury's office, taking her inside. "Just take a seat; do you want a drink or anything?" Santana shook her head. "Miss Pillsbury and I want to talk to you about something, don't freak out." He handed her the leaflet and she read over it. "It's a really good place and..."

"I'm not going," Santana whispered and shook her head, "I can't go."

"Santana," Miss Pillsbury spoke calmly. "We..."

"New York!" Santana yelled, standing up and slamming the leaflet down onto Miss Pillsbury's desk. "I am not going to some mental hospital in New York! I...I can't," Santana broke down into tears and fell back into the chair, head in her hands. "I'm not going, I'm fine. My nightmares have stopped, everything's fine now!"

"No," Mr Schue knelt on the floor next to the chair, "Do you expect us to believe that Santana? You're not well but that isn't your fault, you've been through a lot and we think that this could really help you."

"It can't help me!" Santana screamed in tears, "You don't know what can help me! I'm not going, it's too far away. I can't leave Brittany, I...I can't leave school and Ohio."

"It'll be fine," he told her, "But this could be good for you." He handed her the leaflet again, "It's a really good place."

"I can't go," Santana shook her head. "I can't."

"Look at me," he said and she looked up, "Everything will be okay, I promise and I don't make promises that I can't keep. Come on," he helped her up and she grabbed her bag before following him out of the office. The entire Glee Club were crowding round outside and they realised that it was something bad when Santana fell into Brittany's arms in tears.

"They're sending me away," she sobbed into her arms, "To...To some mental hospital in New York."

"New York!" Rachel snapped without thinking.

"Shut up Rachel," Quinn warned, sensing her jealously.

"Go," Brittany whispered, pulling away from Santana, "Anything to make you better," she took Santana's hand in hers and placed it on her own chest. "You'll always be with me in here, no matter how far apart we are. Go, I...I just want you to get better sweetheart."

"I'm going to miss you so much," Santana cried and shook her head.

"I'll miss you too," Brittany hugged her again and rubbed at her back. "I love you so much."

**Aww, this is going to be a pretty long story so more chapters to come. Who saw Goodbye by the way? I cried so much, especially at the last scene! Be warned that the scene where Santana goes off to the mental hospital will be like that, I'll need tissues whilst writing. **


	28. Goodbye

Linda Pierce climbed out of the car and walked round to the trunk. Opening it, she took Santana's case and handed it over to the Latina. Brittany noticed how upset and nervous she looked and placed an arm round her shoulder as the two of them followed Linda to the station. The train was already there but they had plenty of time until it actually left. As they walked up the steps and onto the platform, Santana noticed the entire Glee Club along with Mr Schue, Sarah and Miss Pillsbury waiting for them.

"What are you all doing here?" Santana cried as she hugged Mercedes tightly.

"We came to see you off," Quinn sniffed and hugged Santana, "Stay strong babe, I'm really going to miss you." Santana nodded as Quinn rubbed her back. "It's a really good place, they'll help you."

"I know," she whispered as she went on to hug Rachel, "I know, you know? About you two?" Santana pointed to Rachel and Quinn and Rachel looked shocked, "Please, you're talking to a lesbian here. It's completely obvious," Rachel shook her head at her and hugged her, "Look after Quinn, she needs you."

"I will," Rachel promised her as Quinn pulled her back and hugged her.

"Kurt," Santana whispered as Kurt broke down into tears and hugged her. "Please don't cry; you were one of the first people who was there for me even before you knew what was going on. You saw me taking the morning after pill and..."

"I know," he nodded, "I'm going to miss you so much Satan."

"I'll miss you too Lady Hummel," she giggled and pulled away from him. She turned and Finn fell into her arms, "Not you too Lumps the Clown."

"You don't know how much you are loved by everyone," he said, squeezing her, "That's your problem. You were my first and that means so much to me Santana," he sniffed, trying not to cry. "I'm really going to miss you."

"Yeah," she sighed, burying her face in his shoulder. "I'll miss you too, you're still a complete jerk though yeah?" he nodded and laughed, ruffling her hair as she stepped back from him. Mr Schue held his arms out to her and gave her a hug quickly. "You've always been like a dad to me," Santana pulled away and brought something from her pocket, "This is a letter, for...for my dad. Could you please give it to him?"

"Sure," he nodded and hugged her, "Stay strong and take care of yourself."

"I'll try," she promised him. "I'm going to miss you all so much."

"I'll look after Shadow for you," Linda said as she hugged her as well. Santana nodded thankfully at her and turned to Brittany. Brittany shot her a smile and held her hand out to her. Santana took a deep breath and took her hand, allowing her to squeeze it gently. With one last goodbye, the two girls followed by Brittany's mom stepped onto the train. Finding two chairs, Brittany and Santana sat down and Linda sat in the spare chair across the way from them.

"I feel sick," Santana whispered.

"That's just your nerves," Linda told her as Brittany caressed her girlfriend's cheek.

"Will you still love me?" Santana asked quietly squeezing Brittany's hand, "We'll be so far apart; long distant relationships are hard."

"I will love you even if you move all the way to Jupiter," Brittany laughed and kissed her hand, "I will always love you Santana but this hospital is going to help you so much and look at how much support you have." They glanced out the window and saw everyone smiling back at them waving. "Are you crying?"

"I'm going to miss them all so much," Santana cried, resting her head on Brittany's shoulder and staying close to her. "And Daddy, he...he needs me."

"I'll visit your dad for you," Brittany whispered, "He'll be fine and I will try and visit every day."

"You can't get a train to New York every day Britt, that's insane."

"Every week then," Brittany smiled, "Anything for you Santana, you are the love of my life and I wish that this had happened to me and not you." Santana smiled as Brittany kissed her hard on the lips, "I love you so much." Santana looked out of the window as the train began moving and saw everyone smiling back and waving. "They'll still be here when you get back," Brittany said as the two girls waved goodbye to them, "And so will I and so will Shadow, besides you have the photographs to put by your bed if you ever need some company. I'll always be with you San, every step of the way."

"What did I do to deserve you?" Santana cried as Brittany pressed her forehead against hers.

"Nothing," Brittany smiled, "You just got lucky; are you going to be okay?"

"Not without you," Santana admitted, "I need you, please stay with me."

"I can't. When we get off this train, we...we're going to get a cab to the hospital and we're going to check in and get you settled and you're going to stay in New York whilst me and mom travel back to Ohio. That's the way things are now Santana but I want you to know that I will never ever stop thinking about you, ever!"

"Brittany," Santana managed, tears streaming down her face, "You know that you're in love when the hardest thing to do is say goodbye."


	29. I Miss You

Santana was curled up in her new bed, facing the wall. It was the middle of the afternoon and she hadn't come out all day. She hated it here. She just wanted to go home. The door opened and her nurse, Alice walked in with a tray of food for her.

"You're missing out on the chance to get roast beef," Alice said. "I brought you some just in case you were hungry."

"I'm not hungry," she whispered. "Just leave me alone."

"You should try and get some sleep," Alice said, "You were up all night last night."

"I don't want to sleep," Santana mumbled, "Just leave me alone, please!"

"Santana, you were brought here because you have an awful lot of people worrying about you and you don't want that do you?" Santana rolled over to look at Alice. "Its not your fault that you're here Santana, you've been through a lot."

"Can I ask you a question?" Santana asked and Alice nodded. "Can you go away?" Alice hesitated but nodded and left, shutting the door behind her.

Santana sighed deeply to herself and sat upright, running a hand through her hair. She looked at the tray of roast beef sitting on the table next to her but she didn't even touch it. She felt hungry but she just couldn't bring herself to eat anything. She wanted to go home, back to Brittany. It was a Saturday, Brittany was often at home. Santana got up and left her room, walking along the corridor. She saw Alice at the end talking to someone.

"You're up?"

"Can I use the phone?" Santana asked. The patients were allowed to use the phone once a day with supervision. Alice nodded and took Santana over.

"One call," she said and handed the phone to Santana. Knowing Brittany's number off by heart, she gave her a call. It just rang straight out. "Try again tomorrow."

"Can I...can I just try someone else?"

"Only one call Santana, it wouldn't be fair on the others. Try again tomorrow, okay?" Santana faintly nodded and handed her the phone before heading back to her room.

Sitting down on the bed, she grabbed her stuffed bear and held it to her chest. Why wouldn't Brittany answer? Did she not want to talk to Santana anymore? Thousands of horrible thoughts ran through her mind. Alice then walked in.

"She might be out," Alice whispered and sat next to her.

"She's never out on Saturdays," Santana shrugged, "Unless it's with me. I don't think she wants to be friends with me anymore."

"Of course she does," Alice comforted. "She's your girlfriend, isn't she? Just try again tomorrow."

"Can I...can I please just have one more call?" Alice sighed and pulled her cell phone out her pocket, handing it to her. "Thanks Alice!" Santana took the phone and dialled Quinns number. "It's ringing!"

"Hello?" Quinn answered.

"Quinn, it's me," Santana beamed. "Are you okay?"

"Hey San, I'm fine. How are you doing?"

"Okay," Santana sighed, "I tried ringing Brittany earlier but she didn't answer her phone. I don't think she wants to be friends with me anymore."

"Of course she does," Quinn reassured her. "Don't think like that. Look, I dont know why she isn't answering but I'll talk to her and I'll send you a letter. Are you allowed post?"

"Yeah," Santana whispered. "I really miss you Quinn."

"I miss you too."

"How are things with Rachel?"

"Fine," Quinn said, not talking much at all.

"You're running up my phone bill." Alice giggled and nudged Santanas arm.

"Sorry," Santana whispered, "I have to go now Quinn, speak soon."

"You too and I'll talk to Brittany for you," Quinn promised. Santana nodded and hung up the phone. Alice took the phone back and rubbed her shoulder.

"I'll leave you alone," she said and left the room. Santana sniffed and opened her bedside drawer, looking down at the picture of her and Brittany and allowing herself to break down into tears.


	30. Skin

"Brittany!" Quinn ran up to Brittany at school the next day. Brittany tried her best to avoid her but Quinn caught up, "I've been looking for you. San rang me up yesterday, apparently she tried ringing you but you wouldn't answer. Care to explain?" Brittany shook her head and looked close to tears, "No one likes her in that place Britt but she thinks you don't like her anymore because you wouldn't answer her call."

"There is a reason," Brittany whispered, "I didn't want to upset her; I didn't want to have her getting upset. It'd make her feel worse."

"What do you mean?" Quinn shrugged, "What's happened?"

"Santana's dad died yesterday morning," Brittany told her and Quinn's eyes went wide, "I knew that if I visited Santana or if she rang me up to talk then I would have to tell her and I didn't want her to get upset. You've seen her upset, it's horrible."

"Oh my god," Quinn said in shock, "She...She needs to know though Britt; we're her best friends, don't you think we should tell her?" Brittany nodded.

"I'm scared," Brittany looked worried.

"I have the number of the hospital," Quinn said and pulled her cell phone out before dialling. "Hello, my name is Quinn Fabray and I am a friend of Santana Lopez," she spoke, "She's staying there, I have some really important news that I need to tell her so am I able to talk to her quickly please? Okay, I'll hold." She turned to Brittany, "They told me to hang on," Brittany nodded as they waited.

"Hello?" Santana answered the phone.

"San, it's Quinn," Quinn smiled.

"Hey Quinn," Santana said, "I wasn't expecting you to call."

"Yeah," Quinn said and took a deep breath, "Britt's here too, she was scared about calling you."

"Why?" Santana asked. Quinn was silent, "What's happened?"

"It's your dad," Quinn said in her quietest voice, "He...He didn't make it." Santana broke down crying from the other end so Quinn quickly handed the phone to Brittany and rubbed her back to make sure she was okay.

"San," Brittany sniffed as she held the phone to her ear, "It's me. Come on honey, please don't cry. He had a good life; with you looking after him," Quinn glanced over at her, "Do you want me and Quinn to come over? I don't care that it's all the way in New York, we'll catch a train and we'll come over." Quinn rummaged in her pocket and found she had just enough for a train ticket. "See you in a bit." Brittany hung up and handed the phone back to Quinn.

"Come on, I'll drive us to the train station," Quinn said as they headed off, bumping into Finn, "Finn, Britt and I are going to see San but please do not tell anyone where we are going! It's important," Finn nodded as they ran out of school at top speed. Quinn drove them both to the station and they brought their ticket for a train to New York.

"We won't have any money left over for a taxi," Brittany panicked once they were on the train, "Or for the way back."

"I have my credit card, I'll get some out," Quinn told her, "We'll be fine, just don't panic Brittany." Brittany nodded as the train began moving and they were on their way to New York. Brittany ended up falling asleep on the way and Quinn had to wake her up. "We're here, come on." Rushing off the train, Quinn led Brittany towards a cash machine and got enough money out for a taxi and for the train back. "Now, we just need a taxi to take us to the hospital."

"Taxi!" Brittany yelled and held her hand out as one pulled up. Quinn shot her a look, "My dad used to take me to New York all the time." Brittany told her as they climbed in.

"NYC Mental Institute," Quinn told the taxi driver who nodded and drove off. "You okay?" she asked Brittany who nodded. "San will be really pleased to see us. I know we've skipped school but I think she really needs her friends there right now."

"I know," she whispered, "My teachers think that skipping class could improve my grades though so I don't think it matters." Quinn laughed at her and shook her head. The taxi pulled up straight outside the hospital and Quinn paid the driver before climbing out with Brittany and going inside.

"Hey," Quinn greeted the receptionist, "I'm Quinn Fabray and this is Brittany Pierce; we're here to see Santana Lopez." The receptionist nodded and had them take a seat. Santana's nurse soon came through and they both stood up. "How is she?"

"Not good," Alice shrugged. "She won't talk to anyone and she just keeps crying."

"Let us...Let us talk to her," Alice nodded and led them towards Santana's room. She was sat cross legged on the bed; her face bright red, tears streaming down her face. "Santana, it...it's me and Brittany," Quinn told her and Santana broke down crying once again. "Sweetie." Quinn raced over and hugged her whilst Brittany hovered in the corner, "Ssshh, we're here now; it's okay."

"I...I want my dad," Santana sobbed.

"I know, I know," Quinn comforted. "I know you do, Brittany." Brittany nodded and came over to sit on the other side of Santana, pulling her in for a hug.

"I want to go home," Santana cried, "Back to when my dad was still alive and when my mom didn't have a stupid boyfriend."

"I know," Brittany said, close to tears, "I know you do baby, I'm going to stay with you okay? I'm not going to leave your side, ever."


	31. Journey

**Sorry I haven't updated in ages but someone reported one of my stories and as a consequence that got deleted and I couldn't update for a few days. I'm back now so enjoy this chapter :) **

"Oh Lord Tubbington, I miss San so much," Brittany said miserably as she curled up on her bed, stroking her fat cat who was sprawled out next to her. She felt a wet nose nudge her arm and turned onto her side to see Shadow resting his chin on her bed. She smiled and reached over to give his hair a stroke, he missed his owner dearly. "Why don't we send her a picture?" she suggested and grabbed her notepad and pen. It was four in the morning and she really couldn't sleep. She drew a large picture of Lord Tubbington and wrote on it:

_Lord Tubbington thinks you're purrrfect and I do too xxx_

"San will love it," Brittany said proudly as she showed it to the animals. She glanced at the clock beside her bed and bit her lip nervously. "I'm going to run away guys; I need to stay with San. She's just so lonely there." Brittany shoved the picture into her backpack as well as some clothes, her stuffed duck, some drawing tools and some money. She slipped some clothes and sneakers on and kissed the cat and the dog before slowly tip-toed downstairs to grab some food and drink to take with her. Once she had everything that she needed, she grabbed her jacket and headed out of the house.

She was surprised to see a policeman standing outside the park but thankful at the same time. She crossed the street with her arms folded and walked over to him, smiling politely. He smiled back, thinking she was lost.

"Excuse me?" she asked him, "Which way to the train station?"

"Just follow the path down here miss," the policeman told her, "Turn left and then it's the first turn on the right." Brittany thanked him and walked off. She managed to find the station in no time and saw that the queue for buying tickets wasn't that long at all.

"One ticket to New York please," she said as she got her money out and handed it over.

"Okay, your train departs in less than five minutes. If you hurry, you should make it," Brittany nodded and raced off to where her train was just about to leave. She made it with two minutes to spare and found a seat next to a window. Santana always liked the window seats.

"Is anyone sitting here?" an old man asked and gestured to the empty seat opposite Brittany. She shook her head at him, "So, going anywhere nice?" he asked her as he sat down, placing his walking stick beside him.

"No," Brittany answered with a quiet voice, "Just New York, my friend's in hospital there." She mentioned leaving the mental hospital bit out, "I'm going to visit her."

"Oh dear," he sighed, "What's wrong with her?"

"No one knows," Brittany lied and shrugged her shoulders. "I know it's early but I find it best to leave early sometimes."

"I know what you mean," he nodded, "I'm going to visit my daughter, she's got her first Broadway show coming up. She's just a backup dancer but it's her first big part and I promised her that I'll come and see."

"What show's that?" Brittany asked with interest.

"Wicked," he told her.

"One of my friend's back in school," Brittany said, "Her name is Rachel and she loves Wicked, I've never seen it to be honest. I'm not into Broadway shows although I do want to be a professional dancer when I grow up."

"You do talk a lot for a teenager," the old man chuckled, "I hate teenagers, ever since this teenage boys hotwired my car and stole it as well as drawing on the front door of my house! I can't stand the things."

"I'm not like that," Brittany giggled, "And neither are my friends."

"I'm sure you're not," he said and winked at her, "The name's Bill by the way; Bill Cartwright."

"Brittany Pierce," Brittany introduced herself and held her hand out. The two talked for what seemed like hours and the train soon stopped in New York, "This is our stop," Brittany said, picking up her bag and standing up. "Have fun with your daughter Bill."

"I hope your friend feels better soon," Bill smiled as Brittany climbed off the train and left the station. She remembered that when she came with Quinn, she'd got a taxi to the hospital and she seemed to have enough with her so she grabbed a taxi and climbed inside, telling the driver the name of the hospital.

"You're up early," the driver laughed to her as they drove through New York.

"I'm visiting my friend," Brittany whispered, "I sort of ran away from home really."

"Oh yeah, why is that then?" Brittany shrugged her shoulders as she stared blankly out of the window. "Well, here we are. Six dollars ninety seven please," Brittany nodded and handed over the money, "Don't you want your change miss?"

"You can keep it," Brittany told him and slammed the door shut behind her. Now that she was standing in front of the hospital, she was beginning to feel slightly nervous. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and walked inside. "I'm here to see Santana," Brittany told the receptionist who looked up at her with a nervous look.

"Stay here please," she said and left. Brittany waited until the receptionist came back with Santana's nurse Alice right beside her. "She's here to see Santana."

"Brittany," Brittany reminded her, "Santana's girlfriend, has something happened?"

"Brittany," Alice sighed and spoke seriously, "I think you ought to come with me."


	32. Angel in my Arms

"She just completely flipped out," Alice informed Brittany. The two of them were stood outside Santana's room. "She's in solitude at the moment which means that she isn't allowed near anyone, she's in there for a reason Brittany."

"What did she do?" Brittany asked.

"She attacked another patient, unprovoked and for no reason at all. I know you probably don't believe me but all Kaya did was talk to Santana and ask her if she was okay; Santana completely flipped out punching and kicking her."

"I don't blame her," Brittany mumbled swinging her backpack onto her other shoulder, "San hates people asking if she's okay; especially if her dad has just died, can I please talk to her?" Alice hesitated, "Please, she might listen to me."

"Five minutes," Alice said as she unlocked the door to the room.

"Can I come out now?" Santana turned round from facing the wall and saw Brittany standing there smiling, "What are you doing here?" Brittany didn't answer her. She just dropped her bag and raced towards Santana with her arms outstretched. Santana clung to her like a monkey and buried her face in her shoulder. Alice smiled at them both and left, leaving the door unlocked so Brittany could get her if she needed to.

"We're getting out of here," Brittany whispered to Santana and began packing her things into her own backpack. She didn't have much with her so there was plenty of room. Brittany hopped up onto Santana's bed and pushed the window open a little.

"Brittany," Santana looked at her friend in shock, "We...We can't."

"They're punishing you for no reason Santana," Brittany shoved the backpack out and peered out of it. It was quite a long way down, she then spotted the bed sheets, "Perfect, help me tie these together." Santana nodded and helped.

"Hurry," she hissed, "Alice said we only have five minutes."

"You go first," Santana nodded and stepped up onto her bed, climbing onto the window ledge and making her way down the sheets. Brittany watched her and kept an eye on the closed door before following. She soon reached the bottom where Santana was waiting with the bag. "Come on," Brittany swung the bag onto her back and grabbed Santana's hand, leading her away, keeping low so they wouldn't get seen.

"Britt," Santana whispered, "I...I'm scared."

"You're scared?" Brittany giggled, "You're Santana Lopez; I'm meant to be the scared one here aren't I?"

"I love you so much Brittany," Santana smiled and kissed her, "I can't believe you bailed me out."

"They were punishing you and you hadn't done anything wrong either," Santana nodded and reached out to hold her hand. They were out of sight from the hospital now so could stand and walk. "I brought you these," Brittany pulled the picture from her bag; "I drew it from you."

"I love it," Santana beamed and held it to her chest, "Thank you, do you know where we're going?"

"No," Brittany sighed, "It's getting light, did you get much sleep last night?" she shook her head, "Neither, maybe we should crash somewhere."

"I don't have any money on me for a hotel," Santana shrugged. "How much have you got?"

"Not a lot," Brittany admitted, "I do have my card with me though; a hotel every night is going to cost a bomb though, we'll probably need to head back to Ohio eventually." Santana nodded in agreement, squeezing Brittany's hand harder, "We'll be okay San, you've lived on the streets before haven't you?"

"Ages ago," Santana whispered, "When I was fourteen and had ran away from home." Brittany snuggled close to her as they kept walking. They made their way down an alleyway where the smell of garbage, alcohol and urine surrounded them. "I don't like it here."

"Neither do I," Brittany sighed as they sat down beside some garbage cans, "Here," she pulled a blanket from her bag and spread it out over them both. "You're safe okay?"

"It...It brings back memories," Santana said quietly, "Of the time I was raped, he...he cornered me in an alleyway once."

"Hey," Brittany soothed and kissed her forehead whilst gently caressing her cheek, "You're fine, we're with each other." Brittany pulled out Santana's stuffed bear as well as her stuffed duck, "These will make you feel better."

"Thanks," Santana smiled as she clutched the stuffed toys tightly, "I want to go home, I miss everyone and I miss Shadow. He'll be ever so worried about me, we went everywhere together."

"He misses you," Brittany told her, "And he'll be there when we get back; I want to go home too babe but we can't. They'll be mad at us and you'll get sent back to that hospital and you don't want that, do you?" Santana shook her head, "Settle down, it's almost morning but we could both use the sleep."

"Stay with me?" Santana begged and Brittany nodded. The blonde pulled the blanket close up to their chins and wrapped her long arms round her girlfriend, holding her close. The two of them stayed like that for a good ten minutes before slowly closing their eyes and drifting off to sleep, right there in the middle of an alleyway of New York.


	33. The Police

Santana woke up with sweat streaming down her face. She felt really hot and her throat was dry like sandpaper. Beside her, Brittany remained asleep. Santana stood up but felt a wave of dizziness come over her. Clamping a hand to her mouth, she managed to turn round to throw up into one of the trashcans before collapsing back down to the ground.

"Sweetheart," Brittany managed as she opened one eye, "Hey baby; are you okay?" Santana hated to admit the fact that she felt terrible and so she shook her head, "What's wrong? You look really pale."

"I've just been sick," Santana coughed, "And I feel really hot, my throat hurts and I feel dizzy as well." Brittany reached up and held her hand to Santana's forehead.

"You feel warm," Brittany panicked. Brittany rummaged through her bag and found a bottle of water, "Here, have this. It might make you feel a little bit better." Santana thanked her and had a tiny sip. "Do you want to stay here for a bit?"

"No," she shook her head, "The smell is just disgusting; I hate alleyways."

"I'm with you on that one," Brittany giggled and shoved the blanket into her bag whilst helping Santana up from the dirty ground. "It's one in the morning; we've been asleep for hours. It doesn't seem that busy though."

"Well it won't be," Santana pointed out, "No one's going to come down an alleyway." Brittany smiled and took Santana's hand in hers, leading her down the alleyway. They soon walked out onto the streets of New York and saw crowds of people walking round. "See, why are their policeman?"

"Uh oh, this way," Brittany pulled Santana back and towards the end of the alleyway. She got the backpack onto her back and had Santana climb up onto one of the trashcans so she could climb up onto the wall, "I think they're looking for you," Brittany said as she followed.

"Why me?" Santana said, feeling tears in her eyes. She was beginning to feel sick again.

"Because you escaped a mental hospital," Brittany said jumping down from the wall.

"Brittany, you made me!" Santana pointed out and followed the blonde, "Besides there are going to be police all over New York; we might as well just head back to Ohio."

"No," Brittany cried, "Because what if the doctors ring my mom and then she rings the police, they could be in Ohio as well." Brittany looked close to tears. "I...I don't know what to do San, I'm so sorry that I got you into this mess," Brittany hugged her tightly.

"It isn't your fault Britt," Santana reassured her, "Why don't we just head back to the train station now?" Brittany nodded. She squeezed Santana's hand tightly as they pushed through the crowds, following the signs to the station. Two policemen were stood right outside the entrance, "Oh my god."

"Where are we supposed to go now?"

"We've found them!" Both girls turned at the sound of a man's voice and they saw the two policemen running towards them both.

"This way!" Brittany yanked at Santana's hand and led her across the road and towards Central Park. Santana still felt sick but now she was starting to feel worst, she could barely breathe and her chest was tightening. "San, come on!"

"Brittany," Santana managed, rubbing at her chest, "I...ccc...can't bbbrrre...eathe." She collapsed to the ground and Brittany raced to her side, "I can't breathe!"

"San, look at me," Brittany soothed, rubbing at her shoulder, "You're having another panic attack, where are your pills?" Brittany then remembered that she'd packed the bag and quickly emptied the entire contents out onto the grass, forgetting all about the police. "They're not here, just...just have a drink," Brittany handed her the water bottle and helped her take a sip. "San, it'll be fine. It'll be okay."

"Just...Just leave it," Santana coughed, "Let them take me back to the hospital, I don't care!"

"San, don't say that," Brittany soothed her girlfriend. "This is my fault, I...I really am sorry." Brittany burst into tears and hugged her tightly as the police came up. "Don't touch her!" Brittany screamed at them.

"Miss, please calm down," one of them said and knelt beside Santana, "Santana Lopez?" the Latina faintly nodded as he brought a picture from his pocket and looked at it, "You okay?" she nodded again. "Would you like to come with us?"

"That's one of those grown up questions that kids aren't supposed to answer," Santana told him; now that she'd got her breath back.

"Is this your friend?" Santana nodded, "Why did you run away Santana? You've had everyone so worried about you," Santana didn't answer him as Brittany helped her up off of the ground, "Shall we get you back there, huh?"

"Am I allowed to come with her?" Brittany whispered and the policeman nodded. He led them both towards his car and sat them in the back seat before getting into the driver's seat and driving off. "I'm so sorry Santana, this is all my fault."

"No it isn't," Santana said, "I've already told you that; I still feel sick." Brittany placed an arm round her and kissed her head as they sat in the back of the cop car in silence. Once at the hospital, the policeman led them on inside and saw a huge gathering all waiting for them. Alice and the rest of the doctors and nurses, Linda and Mr Schue and Quinn.

"San!" Quinn raced over and hugged her tightly, "What the hell were you thinking?"

"Santana," Alice walked over and led her away, "Thank you officer."

"I am very disappointed in you Brittany," Linda told her daughter, "You know that Santana needs to be in here."

"But it isn't her fault!" Brittany screamed in tears, "She's fine! You're punishing her for nothing, did you know that we slept in New York for a bit and she didn't have a single nightmare! She's fine!"

"Brittany, they're right," Santana whispered, "I need to be here."

"No you don't," Brittany said, "You're fine San; sure, you get the odd panic attack every now and then but that's who you are! A mental hospital is not going to change that, it's not going to make them go away."

"Santana is in here for her own good," Alice said.

"Oh yeah," Brittany scoffed, "So, why is she? What did she do wrong?" No one answered, "I thought so; she doesn't need to be here. I promise you that she gets more help at home with me and mom then she does here. Yes, she gets nightmares every now and then but last night she didn't even get one nightmare and that is how improved she is. She's still going to have panic attacks and she may still get nightmares but she doesn't need to be here. Just...Just let her come home with us and if things do get worst then...then she can come back here." Brittany took a deep breath, "Please," she begged. "Please, just think about it."


	34. Girlfriend

Brittany laughed as she and Santana sat in a Chinese restaurant sharing a huge bowl of noodles between them, using their chopsticks to try and pick up the long strings. Even Linda agreed that Santana had seemed to be getting better, she had fewer nightmares now and Alice had allowed her to go home. If anything was to happen though, it was straight back into hospital.

"I haven't been for a Chinese in ages," Santana said as Brittany ruffled her hair. It was sort of her celebration meal as she'd just come out of the hospital. "I'm really glad I'm out of that place, it was starting to make me go nuts."

"Remember what the doctors said," Linda reminded her, "We'll see how you go but you have an appointment in six weeks time and if they suggest you going back in then you do," Santana nodded.

"What does your fortune say?" Brittany said as she glanced at her strip of paper, "Mine says you will give up being rich for a good friend."

"Mine is..." Santana broke hers open and had a look, "You will go on a long trip; these fortunes are bullcrap."

"I like them," Brittany smiled, "I'll take yours if you don't want it; I keep them all." Santana laughed and handed it to her to put in her pocket. "They always come true; I'll give up being rich and famous for you." Santana smiled and felt herself blush a bright shade of red. "And maybe you will go on a long trip someday."

"Maybe but I still don't see the point in them," Santana sighed and leant back against her chair.

"I heard about one guy who kept getting ones about bad luck,"

"Britt, that was a cartoon," Santana pointed out with a small smile.

"Oh yeah," Santana laughed at her as they continued eating. She was just glad to be home at last. "Walking round New York was kind of nice," Brittany said when they were finished, "I miss it there."

"It was nice," Santana nodded, "Apart from falling asleep in that alleyway and throwing up as soon as I wake up."

"Why did you throw up?" Brittany questioned.

"I don't even know," Santana shrugged, "It might have been nerves, or the smell probably. It was disgusting down there." Brittany nodded in agreement. "What do you want to do tonight, when we're home? We should have some like girlfriend time?" Brittany giggled and glanced over at her mom.

"Don't worry," Linda joked, "I'll be out of your way."

"Thanks Mom," Brittany thanked her and turned back to her girlfriend, "How about we just watch a movie? Or...stuff," she winked at her and her mom reached across and slapped at her arm playfully, "Maybe not," Brittany added. "We could just watch a movie if you'd like."

"Yeah, that'd be good," Santana nodded, "Only if I can choose." Brittany laughed and agreed to it.

The two girls sat on the floor of the living room that night rummaging through the box of DVD's that Brittany had. Shadow was curled up beside Santana fast asleep, pleased that his owner was now home whilst Lord Tubbington sat on the couch owning the place.

"What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?" Brittany asked Santana, holding up the DVD. Santana shrugged her shoulders at it, "You're so fussy."

"I am not fussy, I've said yes to all the Disney films that you chose." Brittany laughed and put in Beauty and the Beast. "I think we're beauty and the beast, I'm beauty though of course."

"Hey," Brittany laughed and shoved her shoulder, "I think it's more like Rachel and Finn."

"Yeah but then it'll be beast and the beast." Santana joked and Brittany shook her head at her. "It feels so good to be back," Santana smiled and tickled Shadow's ear. "That speech you made in the hospital, very moving."

"I just didn't understand why you had to be in there," Brittany whispered, "You will try and get better, won't you? I don't want you going back there," Santana nodded, "Thanks." Brittany smiled and snuggled up close beside her girlfriend, resting her head on her shoulder. She wished that they could just stay like this forever.


	35. Breaking Up

Brittany was stood leaning against her locker talking to Quinn and Rachel. The two girls were holding hands and smiling from ear to ear. Santana then came up and linked arms with Brittany, a miserable look on her face.

"Hey babe," Brittany smiled and stroked at her hair. "You okay?"

"Yeah," Santana nodded. "Come to the library with me."

"Sure, see you later guys" she waved bye to Quinn and Rachel and walked off with Santana. Santana didn't say a word until they reached the library.

"Brittany," Santana whispered quietly and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "I...I need to tell you something and it isn't going to be easy."

"Sure San, what is it?" Brittany said seriously.

"I...I think we need to break up." Brittany was silent. There wasn't much she could say to that, she had never expected Santana to suggest that, never. "I'm really sorry."

"Why San?" Brittany asked her girlfriend and shook her head, "Why?"

"I...I just can't do it, it's nothing you did. It's me, I...I'm not ready for love just yet, I'm so sorry." Brittany was silent once again, "I...I still want us to be friends, you've been great help to me and I don't want to lose you."

"Of course we...we can still be best friends," Brittany said and stood up, "I have to go, speak to you later swee...Santana." She corrected herself and left.

Santana hadn't been the same all afternoon and Rachel and Quinn had noticed the sudden mood change. She was sitting alone at lunch so the two walked over and sat on either side of her.

"What's the matter Santana?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, weve both noticed how miserable you look. Where's Britt when you need her?"

"I broke up with her," Santana whispered and Quinn ended up spitting out her drink. "I couldn't do it, I...I'm just not ready for love. The kissing and the sex and...it just brings back memories, I can't do it."

"I thought you were getting better," Rachel said, "You don't want to be back in hospital."

"No," Santana shook her head, "I didn't want to hurt Britt but I didn't want to freak out in the middle of kissing her. I'm sorry."

"It isn't your fault," Quinn said, "Surely Britt understood, right?" Santana just stood up and walked out of the canteen. "Guess she didn't want the rest of her lunch."

"I feel so sorry for her," Rachel said, "She loves Brittany, you can tell she didn't want to break up with her."

"She did the right thing though. It beats freaking out in the middle of kissing or sex."

"Would you ever break up with me?" Rachel asked out of interest.

"Course I wouldn't silly," Quinn nudged her arm, "I love you," she leant across and planted a kiss on Rachel's cheek. "And because we are in love, it's our job to think up a plan to get Santana and Brittany back together."


	36. Dress Shopping

"I really hate prom dress shopping," Santana groaned as she allowed Quinn to leave her through the mall and towards the dress shop. "I can never find the right one and nothing looks good on me." Quinn ignored her and led her into the shop to where Kurt and Rachel stood waiting; Brittany was with them as well though. "So, that's why I'm shopping with you guys."

"You two need to sort things out," Quinn hissed at Santana, holding her hand so she couldn't go anywhere. "Brittany's been taking this break-up really hard and she misses you, besides we'll have some fun today." Santana just faintly nodded at her.

"San," Kurt rushed over and tossed a red dress at her, "Try that on; it'll look great on you."

"How do you know my size?" Santana whispered to him.

"Brittany picked it out," Kurt smiled and pushed her towards the changing rooms, "Come on." She gave in and took the dress in to try it on.

"Hey," Quinn came over to Brittany, "You alright?"

"Yeah," she said quietly, "I'm fine." Santana soon came out and shrugged her shoulders, "No luck?" Brittany guessed but Santana didn't talk to her.

"She'll come round," Quinn smiled as she stroked at Brittany's hair.

"None of them fit me," Santana sighed as she flopped down onto the couch by the window. "Can't I just go home now?" Quinn shook her head and went to look through the rest of the dresses, "Quinn, none of them fit me! I just won't go to prom, there's no point."

"San..." Quinn went to talk.

"I'm not going," Santana refused and folded her arms across her chest angrily, "I won't have a date and none of the stupid dresses even fit me! I can't go if I don't have a dress." Quinn sighed and stopped looking for dresses.

"Okay then, what about the one you wore to prom last year?" Quinn suggested.

"I can't wear the same dress that I wore before; I'm going to look like a fricking tramp!"

"I've done it before," Rachel put in.

"My point exactly," Santana scoffed, causing Rachel to just walk off in a bad mood. "Look, I'm not going." Quinn gave up then and Santana remained seated on the couch whilst the others looked at dresses, having the help of Kurt who'd just tagged along to browse.

"San, we're going," Quinn said as she came over, "We're going to get lunch." Santana's heart dropped but she nodded and followed them out and towards the small cafe at the end. "So, what's everyone having?" Quinn asked once they were seated, "I might have a salad, Rach?"

"Yeah, I'll have the same," Rachel said, putting her menu down. Santana just sat on her cell phone, texting but none of them noticed. "This cafe was a good choice Quinn; I've never been here before."

"I sometimes come here with mom," Quinn told her, "It's nice. What are you having San?" Santana just shrugged her shoulders and continued texting. "Who are you texting?" once again, she was silent. "San, you need something."

"No I don't," Santana whispered, "I'll just have a drink if that's okay." Quinn faintly nodded as the waitress came over. She ordered for everyone whilst Kurt sat and talked to Santana, attempting to cheer her up. "Kurt, I'm fine," Santana managed a laugh as he nudged her arm, "Leave me alone."

"I saw a smile," he joked.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Brittany made an excuse to leave and headed off to the girl's bathroom at the very back of the cafe. Santana paid no attention to her and kept playing on her phone; she soon looked up and noticed Kurt, Rachel and Quinn staring at her.

"Can you at least talk to Brittany?" Quinn begged her, "Please, she really misses you and we can all tell."

"Why did you break up with her anyway?" Kurt asked. Santana sighed and sipped at her drink. "I mean, Rachel said you weren't ready for love and I get that but..."

"And that's true," Santana said and shrugged her shoulders, "Can you all just leave me alone? I'll talk to Brittany when I am ready!" The food soon arrived, making them all go silent. None of them wanted to make a scene in front of the waitress.

"Share my salad with me," Quinn said and shoved the bowl towards Santana once the waitress had gone. Santana shook her head, "San, you're not telling me that you don't feel hungry. You must be hungry."

"I'm not," Santana told her as Brittany came back to the table. Santana stopped talking and brought out her cell phone again, sitting in silence when the others ate.


	37. Outing Planning

"Hey Santana," Finn called to Santana at school and walked over to her. "Hey, are you pleased that you're back at school then?" Santana just faintly nodded at him and put on a smile, "It's good to have you back. So um...what's going on between you and Brittany? Quinn said that you broke up."

"I wish everyone would stop asking me that," Santana sighed, "But yes, we have broken up."

"How comes?" Finn shrugged his shoulders, "You two were great together." Santana didn't answer him and just walked off down the corridor, as Quinn came over to Finn, watching the Latina storm off. "Has she been like this ever since she's come out of hospital?" Finn whispered.

"No," Quinn shook her head, "Started about a week after she'd come out. She broke up with Brittany and became really quiet and she hasn't been eating either." Finn didn't say anything, "Come on, the rest of us are going to lunch and Brittany needs some cheering up." Finn nodded and followed Quinn to lunch. The rest of the club, minus Santana were all sitting together so they joined them. "Hey Britt," Quinn hugged Brittany.

"Hey," Brittany smiled at her and Finn.

"I wish you and Santana could work things out," Quinn said.

"Yeah," Brittany nodded. "Don't force her though. I know San, she will come round."

"You two were like the cutest couple at this school though," Rachel said, "Apart from me and Quinn of course." Quinn laughed and reached across to playfully slap her arm. "Where is San?"

"She just walked off when I was talking to her," Finn told her, "I have no idea where she's walked off to."

"She'll be around," Kurt reassured them all, "She's probably just fed up of everyone asking questions, she'll want some time to herself."

"I guess," Brittany whispered as Quinn rubbed at her back, "I'm okay. Yes, I miss San but she'll come round soon."

"Why don't we do something?" Rachel suggested, "Like go to the mall or the park, or we could check to see if there are any good films on? It'll take your mind off everything Brittany."

"Won't it look kind of mean?" Brittany asked, "Doing something without Santana."

"Invite her then," Quinn said, "Maybe a good day out will do you both some good and get her talking to you."

"You can try it," Finn sighed, "But Santana hasn't wanted to do anything lately. Didn't she complain the entire way to your shopping trip Quinn?"

"Yeah she did," Quinn whispered, "And I could tell that she wasn't enjoying prom dress shopping and she didn't even eat lunch. Maybe we could just go to the park for a day, everyone likes the park."

"Can we try it?" Brittany begged, "Me and San used to love going to the park with each other, it was so much fun. Can we go this weekend?" Quinn nodded and noticed Santana passing them so quickly called her over.

"What do you want?" Santana mumbled, coming over to their table.

"Do you want to come to the park this weekend?" Quinn asked, "All of us; it'll be a little glee outing."

"Sure," Santana whispered. That was all she said though before walking off.


	38. The Mask of Pain

_He was getting closer and closer and in his hand he held a knife. Her cell phone kept ringing and as she looked down at the caller ID, she noticed his name flash up in big, bold print. She let out a blood curling scream as he grabbed her and held the knife to her throat, making a small bloody gash before chopping her entire head off._

"No!" Santana cried out loudly in her sleep, tossing and turning. "No, No, No!" she kept repeating that same word, causing Brittany to wake up. Quickly, she slipped her gown on and ran to Santanas side. The Latina woke up immediately and burst into tears, falling into Brittany's arms.

"It's okay" Brittany soothed, sensing how scared and upset she was. "It's okay, it was just a bad dream Santana, it was only a dream."

"I'm...I'm wet again," Santana managed, wiping her eyes, "I'm so sorry." The door opened and Linda walked in, signing once she realised what had happened.

"I'll sort it," she told her daughter, "Go and get her cleaned up." Brittany nodded and took Santana to the bathroom, sitting her on the closed toilet seat and tossing her a clean pair of pyjamas.

"You shouldn't be helping me," Santana sobbed, "I've been a bitch to you."

"No you haven't," Brittany whispered and sat on the edge of the bath whilst Santana changed. "You just broke up with me and for a good reason too."

"I didn't want to upset you at the time," Santana sniffed, "I know you're a girl but when...when I kiss you or cuddle with you I...I just see him and it kills me inside."

"You shouldn't still be having nightmares San, I thought they'd stopped. You told me they had," Santana shook her head. "What then?"

"I just wanted out of that place," she growled through gritted teeth, slipping the shirt on. It had a huge yellow duck on the front but she didn't care. "Out of that hospital."

"And you are out and you're not going back. I won't let you, I want to help you San but you just won't let me, you won't let anyone."

"You don't realise how hard it is for me!"

"I do but you're victimising yourself San and..."

"I am the victim!" Santana cried, "I was raped for goodness sake! I was raped by someone who was meant to be family, my moms boyfriend! My dad died, the only proper person I was actually close to and now he's dead! You haven't even treated me the same since you found out."

"Yes I have, I have been trying to treat you like normal but it's hard when you're starving yourself, when you're cutting, when you're having nightmares and wetting the bed and when you won't even talk to anyone! I try Santana but it is just too damn hard! I don't even know who you are anymore!"

"Yeah we'll maybe that's a good thing," Santana whispered, "Maybe we should just take a break from each other."

"Santana, there are people all over the world who have been raped just like you. Some of them die from it, some of them get pregnant and some just move countries but they get on with their life! They don't hurt themselves and they don't blame people and they don't try and find numorous ways to kill themselves!"

"That isn't the reason I do all that stuff!" Santana screamed but soon regretted it. "Ignore that."

"That isn't the reason?" Brittany questioned quietly, "Then what is the reason?"

"I was like it way before I was raped," Santana whispered, tears streaming down her face. "That happening just tipped me over the edge and made things worst. I hate who I am Brittany and the only reason I stay strong and put on a brave face is you. I've always been jealous of Quinn, ever since Coach Sue gave her the position of head cheerleader. I've even been jealous of Berry because of the attention she gets and her amazing talent, I'm not good at anything and no one likes me. Boys date me just so they can get popular from dating a cheerleader. Quinn got pregnant and people still liked her, the world never stopped loving her. I turn fucking lesbian, something that isnt my fault and I get teased. The same thing happens to Quinn and Rachel and all of a sudden it's cool. The world hates me Brittany and it has always been that way, even before I was raped and even before my mom and dad died."

"That's not true," Brittany cried, "Everyone loves you! I love you!"

"No you don't," Santana shook her head, "I've been a bitch to you, a pain in the ass and a horrible girlfriend."

"Girls," Linda walked in, after hearing the screaming and changing the bed, "Is everything okay?"

"Fine," Santana nodded and stood up in a pair of Brittany's pyjamas. "I'm going to sleep on the couch tonight." she glanced over her shoulder at Brittany and left to go downstairs.

**By far, the best chapter I have written. Enjoy and review. **


	39. At the Beach

It was the day that the glee club were off to the park so Brittany seemed quite surprised when Quinn arrived at the door. She'd parked her car outside and held a huge picnic basket. As far as Brittany knew, she wasn't picking her and Santana up.

"Hey Quinn, I thought we were meeting at the park," Brittany said, letting Quinn in, "San's upstairs."

"Yeah change of plan," Quinn said, "Rachel's ill with the flu. She said that she was fine but she was pronouncing fine with a D on the end and sneezing every ten seconds and her dad's said that she'd thrown up twice in the night."

"So, what are we going to do?" Brittany asked, "It won't be the same if we're not all there."

"We're rescheduling," Quinn said, "But I thought that today; you, me and San could go on a little road trip. I even packed a picnic," Brittany nodded with a smile, "So, what's San doing?" Quinn asked her.

"Homework, I think," Brittany shrugged and called up the stairs to her. Santana soon came down. "Hey."

"What do you want?" Santana mumbled, reaching the bottom of the stairs.

"Rachel's sick," Quinn told her, "So we've planned to do the park for another day with all of us. I thought that the three of us could go on a little road trip though, I'll drive and I've packed some bits to eat." Santana faintly nodded, "Great; is that okay with your mom Britt?"

"Yeah," Brittany nodded, "She's out today anyway and she knows I'm meeting up with you lot so it shouldn't matter."

Santana didn't really fancy going out but she went along anyway. She sat in the passenger seat beside Quinn whilst Brittany sat in the back, listening to her iPod and staring out the window. Quinn finally decided to question Santana.

"So, what's up?" Quinn whispered. Santana just shrugged her shoulders, "I can tell there's something wrong; you're usually so bubbly."

"I'm fine," she sighed.

"Look," Quinn hissed at her. "I have a girlfriend; I know about these things and I know that you're upset for breaking up with Brittany so..."

"Please," Santana scoffed, cutting Quinn off. "You kiss a girl one time, start dating her and all of a sudden you're an expert on being a lesbian. It doesn't work that way actually Quinn and I think I know what is best for me and Brittany."

"Can you stop talking about me as if I'm not here?" Brittany said quietly from the backseat, removing her earphones, "I can still hear you."

"All I am saying is!" Quinn yelled, ignoring the tall blonde. "Is that you are clearly upset about it so why don't you make up and get back together with her?"

"Can you stay looking the front?" Santana asked, "Or you will crash and get us all killed."

"I will not get us all killed! I'm a better fucking driver than you thank you very much!" Quinn took her eyes off the road and glared across at Santana who was just shaking her head and looking close to tears.

"Keep your fricking eyes on the fricking road!" She suddenly yelled at Quinn.

"San please, listen to her. This isn't what I wanted," Brittany managed.

"I..." Santana started to say.

"You can't let your fear control your life!" Brittany shouted. This surprised the others and both Santana and Quinn turned round to face her, to check if that really was Brittany shouting at her best friend, "What?"

"I've never seen you angry before," Quinn told her.

"I'm sorry about breaking up with you," Santana said softly causing Quinn to smile a little.

"Damn it, this isn't about that!" Brittany yelled once more, "It's about you letting fear control your life! You need to stop blaming other people, for crying out loud! It's over, it's in the past! Move on please! I miss you San." Santana looked close to tears.

"Brittany, calm down," Quinn whispered and turned to Santana, "Are you okay?" she asked and Santana faintly nodded.

"I...I want to move on," Santana said, wiping away a tear and winding down the window so her hair could blow around in the wind. "It's just really hard."

"I know that you're scared," Brittany comforted her, "But you can trust me. I'm not him. I know you still get nightmares honey and I feel for you there, it must be horrible but the problem is that you won't let anybody help you. I've talked to you about this already and I will keep talking to you about it until you stop refusing the offer." Quinn soon pulled over somewhere and turned the engine off. "Quinn?"

"Why are we stopping?" Santana asked, "You said that this was a road trip which usually means that we keep driving." Quinn climbed out the car and helped Brittany and Santana out, "Where are we going?"

"You'll see," Quinn told her, "Just follow me; I know where we're going." Santana did but she was sure that Quinn was up to something. She dragged behind with her hands in her pockets whilst Brittany walked with Quinn up ahead. "Close your eyes," Quinn told her and Santana did as she was told. Quinn walked back and took her hand so she could feel where she was walking without falling over. "Eyes shut?" Santana nodded. "Okay, open your eyes." Quinn said once they were there. Santana opened them and found herself looking down onto a beach, a completely deserted beach. "My uncle sort of owns this land so the beach is kind of private; I managed to get it for the day last minute. Thought you could do with some cheering up, you and Brittany." Santana looked close to tears. Quinn left her friends standing there and headed back to her car to collect the picnic basket as well as a bag full of balls and tennis rackets. "We can have some fun for the whole day," she said, handing Brittany and Santana each a racket. "Go and have fun."

"Aren't you playing?" Santana asked Quinn as she handed her the ball.

"I will later, you two can go first," Quinn smiled at them. Brittany smiled back and took Santana's hand before leading her onto the beach.

"I can't play tennis," Santana told her. "I suck."

"It's easy, my mom taught me to play," Brittany threw the ball in the air and hit it towards Santana. She missed and the ball just fell to the sand. "I'll teach you," Brittany giggled and came to pick the ball up. Santana still couldn't get the hang of tennis even though Brittany had been a good teacher. "Come on, let's take a break from this," Brittany said as they headed up to Quinn.

"Hey," Quinn greeted them and hugged Santana. "Fed up of tennis?" she nodded, "I have other games in the bag, I came prepared so have a look through." Santana took the bag and had a look through them. Quinn smiled, watching as Brittany helped. She knew that this beach idea would be good, as soon as Rachel had mentioned that she was sick.

"How about we eat?" Brittany suggested and the girls nodded in agreement, "I'm really hungry."

"Cucumber sandwich?" Quinn offered them to her friends. Brittany took one but Santana refused, "Come on honey; just one for me, don't ruin the day by not eating yeah?" she faintly nodded and took one, "Good girl."

"Hey," Brittany nudged Santana's arm, "I know you said that you're not ready for love just yet but um...are we friends again?"

"Yeah," Santana nodded with a smile, "We are."


	40. Landslide

"Santana, can I ask you a question?" Brittany asked as she sat on the edge of her bed, Santana standing behind her and tying her hair up in a ponytail. Santana just faintly nodded, "Are you a lesbian?"

"Why'd you ask?" Santana sighed and let Brittany's blonde hair fall loosely around her shoulders. Brittany tugged at a strand and seemed confused, wondering where her ponytail had gone. "I dated you, didn't I?"

"Yeah but...you broke up with me and the other day I saw you staring at this guy. I mean, if it wasn't for what happened to you, I'm pretty sure you would have had sex with him. Are you bi-curious or straight or are you gay and just afraid to admit it?"

"People already think I'm gay," Santana shrugged and sat down on the bed next to her. "You know that."

"Because we dated. Now, you broke up with me and people don't tend to think it anymore."

"Well who knows if you're gay or straight? I'm attracted to girls and I'm attracted to guys."

"I think you should talk to someone, someone who can help you. It'll really work Santana."

"I'm already seeing Sarah," Santana pointed out to her. "I don't need to see anyone else."

"Then talk to her, she could easily help you out Santana."

"I don't know," Santana shook her head, "Maybe I...maybe I am a lesbian and yes, maybe I am scared to admit that to everyone. You saw what happened to Kurt though, right?"

"But look at Quinn and Rachel. They're out and still dating and no ones bothered them one bit."

"Maybe because Quinn is popular and no one bullies Rachel because they know that Quinn will kick their ass."

"You're popular though," Brittany said, "And you could kick anyone's ass, you know that." Santana just shook her head, "You should talk to Sarah about it San."

"What should I say?" Santana asked her.

"Explain what happened. Say that you broke up with me and you're just not sure if you're a lesbian or not, I think you are really. I mean, every guy you ever dated you said they were bad in bed."

"Because I dated Puck, Finn, Sam, Matt and Karofsky and they are like the worst guys at this school."

"Puck isn't," Brittany winked at her. "Just talk to Sarah about it."

* * *

"I can't do this," Santana whispered and shut her eyes tight before knocking on the door of Sarah's office. Sarah even had her own office at the school now. She slowly walked inside and saw Mr Schue in there with Sarah. "Oh um...hi."

"Santana," Mr Schue smiled, "Is there a problem?"

"I just wanted to talk to Sarah about something," he nodded, whispered something to Sarah and left. "Brittany said I should come," Santana told Sarah, sitting down in the chair.

"What's wrong?" Sarah asked her.

"I...I broke up with Brittany," Santana managed, "And now I...I don't know what to do. Brittany asked me if I a lesbian and honestly, I...I really don't know."

"So you don't know if you're a lesbian or not?" Santana shook her head. "You seemed happy with Brittany."

"I broke up with her because I...I just didn't feel ready for love after what happened."

"Dont you ever think that you did it because you were scared of admitting you were a lesbian," Santana shrugged her shoulders. "There are tonnes of gays at this school Santana. Kurt, Quinn, Rachel, Brittany..."

"Brittany's actually bi," Santana corrected her.

"The point is that you're not alone. I kissed a girl, when I was in high school," Santanas eyes widened, "I'm not a lesbian but we went to a house party and got drunk and I kissed my best friend. It was the best moment of my life."

"Why? You said you're not gay."

"No but it was my first ever kiss." Sarah smiled. "I can tell that you love Brittany but you're not admitting it because you're afraid to deal with the consequences of being gay." Santana faintly nodded. "Is that true then?"

"I guess it is, I feel terrible. I hurt Brittany and upset her just because I was scared."

"It's not your fault," Sarah comforted, "If you tell that to Brittany then she will understand. You come out for good when you are ready."

"Yeah," Santana picked up her bag and stood up, "Thank you, you...you've really helped."


	41. Freak Out

Santana found Brittany sitting in the choir room. She hovered in the doorway for a few seconds, watching and smiling at how cute she looked sitting there all by herself with nothing to do. Santana walked in, shut the door and went to sit down beside her friend, linking arms with her and resting her head on her shoulder.

"What's up?" Brittany asked her.

"I miss you," Santana whispered and smiled up at her, removing her head from her shoulder. "I...I spoke with Sarah and you were right," she shrugged her shoulders and gave Brittany's hand a squeeze, "I was just scared to admit my true feelings and I...I think that the real me is...is a lesbian."

"So, what are you saying?" Brittany asked.

"I wanna be with you Brittany," Santana sniffed, a tear streaming down her face, "So badly and I...I may flinch when I kiss you and I may not be ready for sex just yet but I still love you and I still want to be with you."

"Honey," Brittany gently caressed her cheek, "None of that matters because I want to be with you too, I love you." Santana smiled and wrapped her arms round her neck, hugging her tightly. The door opened and the others walked in ready for Glee, Quinn and Rachel hand in hand and the others following.

"Alright, break up the love nest you two," Mercedes giggled as she sat down. Finn smiled at the girls and actually came over to hug Santana. Santana hugged him back but suddenly, the image of her mom's boyfriend flashed up in her head. She shut her eyes tightly as her heard began beating from inside her chest, sweat streaming down her face and mixing with her tears. She felt his hands rubbing her back and before he could pull away, she let out a loud scream and threw herself on the floor.

"San," Quinn looked panicked as she ran over. Santana was rocking back and forth, hands over her head. "Santana; calm down, it's just me San. It's Quinn, please calm down."

"San," Brittany came over as Santana began counting to ten, "San; deep breaths."

"What did I do?" Finn asked, stepping back and raising his hands defensively.

"It's not your fault," Quinn reassured him and shook her head before turning back to Santana. "Stop screaming San; come on babe, stop screaming."

"Q...Quinn," Santana managed as she opened her eyes and glanced up at the blonde, "Quinn?"

"It's alright," Quinn soothed, "Britt and I are here." Quinn took Santana's hand and helped her sit up. Brittany sat beside her and rubbed at her back soothingly as Rachel offered her a bottle of water to drink. "It's okay."

"I'm so sorry Finn," Santana apologised, bursting into tears, "I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," Finn said.

"Do you want to go outside?" Brittany asked and Santana nodded, "I'll take her Quinn, come on." She helped Santana stand up before leading her out of the choir room and away from everyone else.

"I didn't know," Finn said, "Honestly; I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," Quinn said, "She hasn't had a panic attack like that in ages, you didn't know Finn."

"Is she going to be okay?" Tina asked.

"Yeah," Quinn nodded, "Brittany will take care of her, she'll be fine."


	42. Skinny Genes

"One bite?"

"No."

It was lunchtime. Santana was sat next to Brittany whilst Quinn and Rachel sat opposite. Brittany was trying her best to get Santana to eat but she just wouldn't, she just kept refusing.

"San, you need to eat," Brittany whispered softly. "You'll get sick if you don't."

"I'm not hungry," she said. She then stood up and left the cafeteria. Quinn sighed deeply and stood up to follow her. She was sat on the floor outside, hugging her knees to her chest.

"You are beautiful," Quinn comforted, removing the hair from Santanas face. "You have no reason to starve yourself."

"I'm not," Santana sniffed, "I just don't feel hungry and none of you are understanding that at all."

"You don't think I know staving when I see it? I've done it before Santana, I know what it looks like and because of how hungry you are from it, you become moody and irritable and tired."

"I'm not like that,"

"Yes you are. Brittany and I have both noticed and even Rachel has as well."

"I don't care about Berry," Santana groaned. "Just leave me alone."

"San, what's the matter?" Quinn asked. "Brittany is really worried about you. You just keep going back and forth and now you've stopped eating again."

"I haven't stopped eating, there is nothing wrong with me!"

"Yes there is. You're starving yourself San." Quinn told her and Santana could feel tears forming in her eyes. She didn't show it though and just turned her head away from Quinn. "Santana, stop acting so childish and listen to me."

"I am not acting childish, you're just bothering me when I have said to you to leave me alone!"

"Can you stop screaming in the middle of the school corridor? You are making a scene." Santana shoved Quinn away, got up and ran off to the girl's bathroom. Quinn decided to stay where she was until Rachel came over. "Hey."

"Hey, are you okay?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Quinn sighed and nodded, "Just Santana. She's starving herself and she won't admit it."

"Maybe she's telling the truth," Rachel suggested, "Maybe she just isn't hungry."

"I don't believe that, I know what anorexia looks like Rachel. I've had it before."

"I never knew that," Rachel whispered and sat down next to her to rest her head on her shoulder. "How did you overcome it?"

"My mom was threatening to send me to some hospital," Quinn smiled, "She knows how much I hate them."

"Maybe Santana should go back into hospital,"

"No," Quinn shook her head, "She's already been in and she isn't going back. She just needs support and help from people who love her like us and Brittany and Brittany's family. She's having sessions with Sarah, she might help her out."

"Good," Rachel said and gave Quinn's hand a squeeze, "Don't worry about her Quinn. I hate it when you're upset."

"Yeah," Quinn whispered and rested her head on top of Santana's. "So do I."


	43. Party Planning

"Santana's birthday is coming up," Brittany told Quinn was they walked into school the next morning, "I want to make it special for her but I have like, no ideas. You're smart and creative, what do you think I should do?"

"A surprise party might be nice," Quinn suggested, "Like invite everyone from glee; it'll be nice for her and it'll take her mind off everything."

"Do you really think so?" Quinn nodded, "Great; she couldn't come to school today. She said she felt sick so mom is letting her stay home, I hate going to school knowing that Santana won't be there."

"What was wrong with her?"

"Not sure," Brittany shrugged, "She just said she felt sick; I don't know if she actually had been or not or if she was lying but..."

"I'm sure she wasn't lying," Quinn reassured her. Rachel skipped over and leaned up to give Quinn a kiss on the cheek, "Hey baby," Quinn kissed her back, "How are you doing? You look beautiful today."

"Right back at you," Rachel smiled, "And I'm fine; yourself?"

"Yeah, I'm good. Britt and I were just discussing Santana's birthday, we might be throwing her a surprise party."

"Sounds great," Rachel nodded, "Any ideas for it?" The two blondes shook their heads in unison. "Can I help? I love planning parties and I don't mean to brag but I seem to do a pretty good job at it."

"Course you can help baby," Quinn cooed and placed an arm round her girlfriend's shoulder. "That'd be super."

"We can have the party at mine if you like," Rachel decided, "It'd be easier. It'd be quite hard to do it at Brittany's seeing as Santana lives there and might see us planning the party. My dad's won't mind, they love party planning just as much as I do."

"That sounds really nice Rachel," Brittany agreed, "Thank you."

"I'll bake the cake," Quinn said, "I know what Santana likes. I'll make it special for her, don't worry."

"And I'll be in charge of decorations," Rachel beamed, "Brittany; why don't you invite people?"

"Yeah," Brittany nodded, "I'll invite everyone in Glee; it'll be a special glee birthday celebration."

"Where is Santana today?" Rachel asked, suddenly realising that Santana wasn't actually there. "Is she with Sarah?"

"No," Brittany whispered and shrugged her shoulder, "She wasn't feeling too good this morning so she's at home with my mom. Don't worry though; I'll make sure that she is better for her birthday party."

"She will be," Quinn said, "If not then we will just have to drag her there ourselves."

"You know how strong Santana is," Brittany laughed, "It takes like three people to grab her anyway."

"Yeah true," Quinn agreed and patted Brittany on the back, "Come on, we need to get to class." She placed an arm round her girlfriend and Brittany followed them off to class, quickly sending a text to Santana just to check if she was feeling better.

She really could not wait until Santana's birthday now.


	44. Santana's Surprise

"This is going to be the best birthday ever," Brittany said happily as she helped Rachel put the decorations all over her house. Quinn was in the kitchen just finishing off the cake and Brittany had done her job of inviting people so she was now helping Rachel.

"Yeah," Rachel smiled and nodded in agreement, "I think it'll really cheer her up. What time is she coming over?"

"I said any time after six o'clock," Brittany told her.

"Great, we have just over an hour," Rachel mentioned; checking the time on her watch quickly as she hung up one end of the birthday banner, Brittany helping get the other end in line with her. "That's good, hold it there."

The doorbell went.

"I'll get it," Quinn offered. She'd literally just finished icing Santana's name onto the top of the cake so she left the kitchen, licking the cake mix off her fingers and went to answer the door. It was Finn and Kurt all dressed up with presents for Santana's birthday. "Hey guys, come on in."

"Is Santana here yet?" Kurt asked, piling the present into Quinn's arms.

"No," Quinn shook her head. "She's coming over lately; we'll have to hide when she arrives."

"Doesn't she know about it?" Finn questioned.

"Well, she just thinks it's a small birthday party for her with me, Rachel and Brittany. She has no idea that the rest of you are coming," Tina, Mike and Mercedes then walked in. "Hey guys, just pile your presents in the living room and we'll put everything in there."

"I think this is a really good idea Quinn," Tina said as she followed everyone into the living room and placed her present down. Brittany and Rachel had just finished and were now sitting on the couch.

"It was all Brittany's idea," Quinn told her and smiled at Brittany.

"I just thought that it'd cheer Santana up," Brittany whispered and shrugged her shoulders, "She's been ever so down."

"Has Santana actually gotten over the um...you know?" Finn asked. He didn't actually want to bring back the memory of what happened to Santana, he didn't want to bring everyone down on the day of Santana's birthday.

"I'm not sure," Brittany said, "She's been going to her sessions with Sarah at school and I think that's really helped her. Sarah's really nice and I think Santana likes her."

"Okay guys," Quinn clapped her hands together, interrupting their entire conversation. "Santana will be here soon so can we get going and fast please?" They all nodded, quickly finding something to do. The others soon arrived later and it was getting nearer to the time that Santana was due to arrive. "Is everything ready?"

"I think so," Rachel said, going to hug Quinn. "You look beautiful."

"You too baby," Quinn kissed her cheek, "Okay guys; Santana will be here in two minutes so everyone find a place to hide, hurry!" Quinn took Rachel's hand and led her to the small closet under the stairs, dragging her in. It was small and dark inside but they sat on the floor, huddled together. "I feel like Harry Potter," Quinn joked.

"I think I just heard the doorbell," Rachel whispered. Quinn opened the door an inch and looked out to see Brittany going to the door. She smiled and tried to hide her laughter as she saw the door open and Santana step inside. "Is she here?" Rachel asked quietly and Quinn nodded at her.

"Happy Birthday San," she heard Brittany say. "I don't know where Quinn is but..."

"SURPRISE!" Quinn and Rachel and everyone else came out of their hiding place and rushed over to Santana and Brittany. Santana's mouth dropped open, surprised to see all her friends standing in front of her on her birthday.

"Happy Birthday sweetie," Quinn gave her a hug. "Surprised?"

"Yeah," she nodded, tears in her eyes, "Thank you so much guys. I can't believe it," Brittany hugged her and pressed her lips to hers, "Thank you."

"Hey, don't mention it girl," Mercedes shrugged. "You deserve it." Quinn held a hand up to Santana and headed into the kitchen with Rachel. Brittany placed an arm round her girlfriend and took her into the living room, everyone following. "We have presents for you to open."

"You didn't have to get me anything," Santana told everyone. "Really."

"Yes we did," Brittany smiled and sat her down on the couch beside her. Quinn soon came in singing and holding the cake, Rachel following. Tina dimmed the lights as everyone joined in and Quinn knelt in front of Santana with the cake. "Make a wish," Brittany said once they were done and Santana blew out every single candle all in one blow. "What did you wish for?"

"It won't come true if I tell you," Santana smiled at Brittany and kissed her cheek, "But it may have a little something to do with you."

"Do you want some cake now?" Quinn asked, handing Santana the knife so she could cut it. Brittany took a deep breath, waiting for Santana to answer. She hadn't been eating well at all lately and she was so scared that she'd refuse some of her own birthday cake when Quinn had slaved for hours making it.

"Yeah," Santana nodded, "I'll have some, it looks lovely."

"Really?" Brittany asked, tears in her eyes and Santana nodded at her, taking her hand in hers. "Sweetie, well done," Brittany hugged her.

"Well done?" Santana asked, shooting her a confused look.

"Yeah," Brittany sighed, "You haven't been eating but...you...you really are getting better; I'm so proud of you."

"Yeah," Santana smiled as Quinn handed her a slice of cake to eat, "I'm proud of me too. I couldn't have done it without you."

**I never wanted this story to end but I am afraid that it's time. I'm so glad people liked this story and I'm so glad that it's a happy ending. Thank you guys! **


End file.
